Family Guy

“He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1Tim 3:4-5).

You’ve seen it yourself. A carpenter whose own home desperately needs a visit from Ty Pennington. The mechanic who drives a beater that urgently needs a tuneup. A plumber with leaky faucets and clogged toilets at home. Some folks may think that’s okay when finding a tradesman, but Paul makes it clear that won’t fly in church leadership. “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church” (v4-5). God is looking for great leaders in His family who are great leaders in their own families.

Paul is writing to his protege Timothy in Ephesus. The apostle has asked him to step and pastor the church he originally planted a few years back. New leadership is needed after a team of spiritual con artists have driven the congregation into a ditch (1Tim 1:3-7). At this point, it appears Tim’s flying solo in church leadership. His mentor gives him a punch list of qualities to look for in the position of overseer. 

That list begins with a leader who is “above reproach” (1Tim 3:2). Paul then fleshes that out with specific descriptions of an elder’s marriage, his clear mind and clear eyes, his avoidance of addictive substances and activities, his cool head in crazy times, and his inability to be distracted by dollars. Here in verses 4-5, the apostle describes in detail what a man of integrity looks like on the home front. If things aren’t running smoothly back at his house, you can’t expect him to lead well in God’s house.

Paul pulls no punches right out of the chute. “He must manage his own household well” (v4). The word “manage” is the Greek verb proistemi, which literally means to place before or to set over something. It conveys putting yourself in a responsibility of leadership, guidance, and care. An elder devotes himself to guard and provide protective accountability to life back home. To paraphrase the folks at UnderArmour, an elder must protect this house.

The term shows up a handful of times in the New Testament and gives us a better idea of what Paul’s talking about. And just about every time it’s all about passion, commitment, loyalty, and devotion. Every person who follows Jesus must “devote (Gr. proistemi) themselves to good works” (Titus 3:8, 14). When running down a list of the recipients of spiritual gifts, the apostle says “the one who leads (Gr. proistemi), with zeal” (Rom 12:8). 

Even for the best pastor, elder, and overseer, the church NEVER takes priority over the family. Ever. At no point in the Bible does God ever ask a leader to sacrifice his family on the altar of the church. Your wife and kids are ALWAYS your number one ministry. Keep the home fires burning but make sure it never becomes a dumpster fire. If and when your marriage and family are spinning wildly out of control, it’s time for counseling not elder meetings.  

But don’t think this is only limited to his wife and kids. John MacArthur believes these verses are talking about everything connected with things at home. An overseer must good husband and dad, but SO much more. Is he fully involved in the family finances. Does he expect his wife to bear the full brunt of running the household by herself while he plays golf or watches SportsCenter? Does he have a clue of what’s going on with the kids at school? An elder must not be a sitcom dad who’s the clueless punchline of every joke. Peter Griffin from “Family Guy” is NOT elder material. 

While it’s certainly not limited to his kids, it certainly includes them. An overseer be a good dad “with all dignity keeping his children submissive” (v4). Let’s be clear what this is NOT. Paul is not describing a dictator who’s kids cower every time they hear the garage door opening when he comes home from work. A leader in the church leads his own children with “dignity (Gr. semnotes)” (v4). This describes the characteristic of a thing or person which entitles to reverence and respect. In other words, has he earned the admiration and respect of his children? 

An elder’s kids should be “submissive” (v4) but only because they want to be. This is a willing obedience to a loving and attentive father. He’s not a doormat. He knows when to say “no” firmly and fairly. A great dad understands that there are many times when denying something from his children is really what’s best for them. Good practice for leading a local church, don’t you think? Are you starting to get the connection between leading at home and leading at church?

Paul follows up the first statement with a question. “For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (v5). The Greek grammar here expects a negative answer. In other words, the response is obvious. Just as a husband and father is accountable for his marriage and family, an overseer is accountable for the church. No leadership at home equals no leadership at church.

An elder is to provide “care for God’s church” (v5). The language here gives us a bit more insight into the job description. “Care” is the Greek verb epimeleomai, which literally means to provide attentive care over someone or something. It’s to look after, be greatly concerned about, be in charge of, and provide whatever is needed. It carries the idea of diligent concern and responsibility. 

The only other time we see this term used in the entire Bible is when Jesus is telling the story of the Good Samaritan. When hero of the parable drops off the injured man for care at the local bed and breakfast, he tells the innkeeper, “Take care (Gr. epimeleomai) of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back” (Lk 10:34). Give him what he needs. Watch over him closely. Money is no object. His recovery is priority one.

Paul says the best audition for a potential leader in the church is to make a surprise home visit. How are things running back at the house? Does he support and love his wife as a servant leader? Do his own kids respect him? Is he detached as a husband and dad? Is he a cruel dictator? This will give you an important glimpse into his leadership style in the church. God is looking for great leaders in His family who are great leaders in their own families.