The 100% Husband

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1Tim 3:2).

Back in the ‘90s, Tim Meadows created the incredibly sleazy “Ladies Man” for Saturday Night Live. As creepy Leon Phelps, he would give his callers the most disgusting dating advice. A few things are clear about this sleaze bag. One, he wasn’t looking for anything close to a lady. Two, he was far from being a real man. Third, he was one of the least funny reoccurring characters on the show. 

On the bright side, he does provide us with the ultimate BAD example when it comes to a man’s faithfulness to his wife. And that’s exactly the kind of dude Paul describes a leader to be. An overseer is to be “the husband of one wife” (v2). Or as several translations tell us, a “one woman man.” Leon Phelps need not apply. Instead of the “Ladies Man,” he’s one lady’s man. A totally devoted, fully faithful, 100% husband.

So what does a bad SNL character have to do with a first century church in Asia Minor? So glad you asked. A few years before writing this letter to his protege Timothy, the Apostle Paul planted a church in the port city of Ephesus during his third tour of the Mediterranean Rim. Things apparently go very well for a while with the message of Jesus transforming lives all throughout the region. 

But after Paul left town something happened. Something bad happened. A team of spiritual con artists weaseled their way into the church and have derailed folks from following Jesus. With the apostle on the road in Macedonia, he sends his spiritual son Tim to pastor the Ephesian church (1Tim 1:1-3). His assignment is pretty simple. First, finish cleaning up the hot mess left by the false teachers (1Tim 1:3-7). Second, remind folks of God’s waterfall of grace (1Tim 1:8-17). Third, put godly servant leaders in place to fill the void left by the hucksters (1Tim 3:1-13). 

Paul tells Tim the kind of leaders Jesus is looking for. He doesn’t give him a list of qualifications, degrees, certifications, or work experience. You won’t see anything like this on Monster.com. It’s not a job description. Instead the apostle instructs Tim to look for qualities and character. He’s looking for fully devoted followers of Jesus who are worth following. The entire list starts off with integrity. “An overseer mush be above reproach” (v2). All that follows is simply what it looks like for a leader to be blameless in every other part of his life.

It’s interesting that the first specific trait Paul lists has seemingly nothing to do with church leadership. He’s not looking for three years experience. He’s not demanding a seminary degree. He’s not requiring a career in business as a upper level manager, CEO, or chairman of the board. They might be nice, but that takes a backseat to being “the husband of one wife” (v2). An overseer must be completely faithful in his most important human relationship. If he’s not totally devoted to her, can he really be trusted to lead the Bride of Christ?

Digging a little deeper into the original Greek reveals a few interesting and important points. “The husband of one wife” (v2) we see in the ESV literally reads “one woman man.” “One” (Gr. heis, mia, hen) describes the one and only, the single one, a particular one. An elder is to have one and only one lady in his life. He’s one lady’s man. A 100% husband.

Since polygamy really wasn’t a problem back in the Greco-Roman world, Paul’s not describing someone from the reality show “Sister Wives.” This is a man who has a single romantic relationship with one specific woman. In other words, he may be married but he doesn’t have someone on the side. You do know that’s wrong, right? To hop in the sack with someone before your married is called fornication. Messing around with anyone but your spouse is adultery. Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here.

Having a singular and devoted relationship also means we need to be careful with our friendships with the other sex. As followers of Jesus, men are to see woman as their treasured sisters, not targets. Men also need to be on high alert when it comes to sharing our hurts and hopes with women friends. Part of being a “one woman man” means you don’t have a so-called “work wife.” Stop chatting online with old girlfriends on Facebook. And yeah, you need to trash that Tinder account. Stop trying to swing like Tiger Woods (and I'm NOT talking about on the golf course!) Be a one lady’s man. A 100% husband.

The rest of the original language in this phrase, “woman” (Gr. gune, gunaikos) and “man” (Gr. aner, andros) emphasize gender and maturity. Why is that important? Because this really has zip, zilch, zero to say about divorce and everything to do with moral and sexual purity. There are a lot of churches and denominations who take “the husband of one wife” (v2) to mean an elder or overseer can’t be divorced. The only problem with that is the rest of this list is all about character qualities and integrity, not marital status. 

Now, let’s be VERY clear. Any man who’s been through the Big D needs to incredibly repentant and thoroughly examined before being asked to lead in the local church. It’s clear God hates divorce because of the damage it does ripping apart the “one flesh” He’s brought together (Gen 2:24; Mal 3:16 ; Mt 19:4-9). But the healing power of His grace is more than enough for those who know the incredible pain of divorce. Paul is NOT saying overseers can’t be divorced, but we need to be very cautious when a candidate has a failed marriage in their rearview mirror. Not just for the sake of the church but for person.

On the flip side, this does NOT mean church leaders must be married. It’s not a box that must be checked. The author of this very letter to Timothy was single guy (1Cor 7:8-9). This is about taking the covenant of marriage very seriously. Paul puts this kind of faithfulness at the top of his “an overseer must be above reproach” (v2) list because it’s the one every man is most prone to break. Don’t look at me like that, dude. You know deep down it’s true.

Paul can’t emphasize strongly enough that an overseer, elder, or pastor is a faithful husband. He must be fully devoted to the woman God has placed in his life. There’s no one on the side. Certainly not physically. Not even emotionally. A godly married man has one intimate friendship. A couple of versions reflect this idea in their paraphrases. “He must be faithful to his wife” (v2, NLT). “A leader must be…committed to his wife” (v2 The Message). Full devoted. Totally faithful. A one lady’s man. A 100% husband. 

It should come as no shock that Jesus gives us the perfect picture of what that looks like. But Christ was never married, you say. The Rabbi/Carpenter never hooked up with any lady during His 33 years on the earth because He already had a bride. His church. He was and is fully devoted to her. Paul tells the men of Ephesus that Jesus is our example of the perfect Husband (Eph 5:25-33). He loves her completely. He loves her sacrificially. He is the ultimate woman Man. Full devoted. Totally faithful. The one lady’s Man. The 100% Husband.