Assisted Living, Gospel Style

“Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives” (1Tim 5:3-7).

Long before anyone came up with the idea of nursing homes and assisted living facilities, God told His people to care for their aging relatives. Here in Paul’s first letter to Timothy, the apostle gives the young Ephesian pastor specific and detailed instructions on focusing the church’s resources on those older women who are without husbands and without help (1Tim 5:3-16). We’ll look at the first part of this section here (1Tim 5:3-7). If she has family, they should step up. If all she has left is her hope in Jesus, that’s when her church family gets busy. It’s a critical way to show love to mom and memaw. This is assisted living, Gospel style.

Let’s face it. Caring for the elderly is not exactly a sexy topic. But it’s absolutely one of the most issues any church or family will ever face. It was clearly a bone of contention in the church of first century Ephesus. Think I’m making this up? Why else would Paul spend more time and ink on caring for widows than any other matter? Could it be that one of the worst impacts of the false teachers was the neglect and abuse of their senior saints (1Tim 1:3-7; 4:1-3)? Certainly strong extended family relationships are vitally important when looking for godly leaders of integrity (1Tim 3:2, 4-5, 12).

Can we talk about the elephant in the room for just a minute? Actually, this one is more like a massive woolly mammoth. Why isn’t this a front burner issue in the 21st Century American church? There is a massive proportion of our population that’s in need of care in the winter of their lives. It’s a percentage that’s growing every single day. According to the 2010 U.S. Census,13% of our Americans are at least 65 years old. And while men are living longer today than ever before, women are still outliving their husbands. 

When is the last time the topic of providing care for our widowed moms and grandmas came up at church? Getting uncomfortable, yet? Yeah, me too. My intent isn’t to be the travel agent for a guilt trip. But there’s little doubt that God calls His people to provide practical means of support for these women. If I’m a follower of Jesus, I’m to care for those ladies in my family who’ve lost their husbands. If an elderly widow has no one else, it’s time for the church to roll up its sleeves. 

“Honor widows who are truly widows” (v3). Here’s the bottom line when it comes to the subject. According to the folks behind the ESV Study Bible, Paul’s primary purpose is to identify widows who need the church’s help. He gives two key indicators. First, they have no other family (1Tim 5:4-8, 16). Second, they are examples of godliness (1Tim 5:5, 9-15). 

What does it mean to show someone “honor” (v3)? This is the Greek verb timao, which means to show someone respect, care, support, or simply treat them graciously. It comes from a root word describing something incredibly valuable, precious, and priceless. NT authors use it when referring to God’s Top Ten commandment about respecting our parents (Mt 19:19; Mk 7:10; 10:19; Lk 18:20; Eph 6:2). We show our widowed mothers and grandmothers just how precious they are to us by practically meeting all kinds of needs, primarily through our financial support. But don’t think you’re off the hook if you have the cheddar to simply write a check for assisted living. Nursing homes are full of lonely people. Show them their value to you with regular visits.

Paul uses a word for “widow” (Gr. chera) that comes from a term describing a huge emptiness. There’s a gaping void left by the death of her husband. It can also draw a painful picture of the chasm left wide open without any support from family. Unless we’ve lost a spouse, I don’t think we can wrap our brains or hearts around the Grand Canyon of grief it leaves behind. Jesus is the only one who truly fills that relational abyss. But one of the key ways He does that is through you and me.

God blesses His church with resources to manage and use effectively for His kingdom. A church shouldn’t support a widow who has family with the ability to love and support her. “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents” (v4). Let that sink in. Caring for your mom or grandma who’s lost their husband is first and foremost the family’s responsibility. Expect it. Plan for it. Don’t use the excuse that your money is tied up in charity work or supporting overseas missionaries. Jesus says that won’t fly (Mt 15:4-7; Mk 7:10-13). 

And don’t miss this point. Financially supporting our aging loved ones is a very practical means of worshiping God. It’s one way you and I can be sure to put a smile on His face. “For this is pleasing in the sight of God” (v4). You may not think of moving mom into your bonus room or visiting grammy at the assisted living facility as an act of worship to Jesus, but it is. I’m pretty sure this is the kind of thing Christ was talking about when told folks about feeding the hungry, welcoming the stranger, visiting the prisoner, and clothing the naked. “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these, My brothers, you did it to Me” (Mt 25:40). When you do this for mom or grandma, you’re actually doing it for Jesus.

Paul turns from the widow who has a family to support her to the lady “who is truly a widow, left all alone” (v5). The original Greek text uses a word (Gr. mono’o) which means to be desolate, destitute, forsaken, and helpless. In the days before social security, life insurance, and 401ks, a woman would be left swinging in the societal breeze if she had no husband or son in her life to provide for her. Without them, these widows were helpless. While it’s not expressly part of this passage, one of the greatest ways that a husband can love his wife is by providing for her after his death. Don’t just make a point of piling up a nest egg but make sure you have a will that makes everything clear. Otherwise she may be destitute as the result of probate.

Did you realize Jesus did some first century estate planning in order to care for His mom? While He hung on the cross, Christ asked His best friend John to care for Mary as if she was the apostle’s own mother (Jn 19:25-27). Jesus knew the future His mom faced without Him. At this point, His kid brothers James and Jude hadn’t placed their trust in their God and Savior. That wouldn’t happen until their big Brother walked alive out of the tomb a few days later. Jesus gives us a great example of what it looks like for believers to care for our aging parents.

The apostle writes that a woman who’s left without family should first “set her hope on God” (v5). She knows the Father is ultimately the One who will provide her with what she needs. When Jesus teaches His posse the basics of prayer, He points out the importance of dependance on our Heavenly Dad. “Give us each day our daily bread” (Lk 11:4). This has nothing really with whether you’re gluten-free or not, but rather trusting in our generous God to give you what you need each day. While we should all set our “hope on God” (v5), a widow probably has no other choice.

So just what does a godly lady do when she’s lost her husband and has no family? She prays. She “continues in supplications and prayers night and day” (v5). Dr. Luke gives us a perfect picture of what this looks like. When Joe and Mary headed to the temple just after the birth of their first Son, they ran into Anna. After losing her husband, this 84-year-old prophetess not only lived at the temple in Jerusalem but devoted herself to “worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day” (Lk 2:36-38). Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for herself, a godly widow leverages her available time for others, specifically in prayer. 

And if there’s any doubt about how a widow should NOT roll, Paul writes, “But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives” (v6). He drops a Greek word here (Gr. spatalao) that means to live luxuriously or seek to gratify your own appetites and desires. It comes from another term used to describe a riot that’s completely out of control. The only other time we see this word used in the Bible is when James warns the wealthy, “You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence (Gr. spatalao)” (James 5:5). Just ask the prodigal son how that works out (Lk 15:13-16). 

This woman makes the tragic mistake of making herself the priority and blowing everything she has on herself. We’re talking about so much more than money. She is black hole of attention, dragging everyone into her drama. It’s completely the opposite of the godly widow in the previous verse who fasts and prays (v5). God calls us to live selflessly not selfishly. Follow Jesus’ example of sacrifice and flip org chart. “In humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4). The Message nails this idea. “But a widow who exploits people’s emotions and pocketbooks—well, there’s nothing to her” (v6 The Message).

What this wild widow doesn’t realize is that she’s “dead while she lives” (v6). She’s a dead woman walking. This lady is actually no more alive than her already dead husband. SPOILER ALERT! She’s like Bruce Willis’ character in “The Sixth Sense.” This widow is dead and doesn’t realize it. (If I spoiled the big reveal of that movie, this one is completely on you. That flick came out in 1999.) 

Paul gives Pastor Tim specific instructions about what he’s to do with this info about widows, families, and the church family. “Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach” (v7). Let’s review “these things.” Take proper care of these women who truly can’t take care of themselves. Family’s need to step up and provide for the ladies in their lives. If she has no family, the church steps in. Gently encourage these widows to allow Christ to fill the void in their lives and devote themselves to prayer. Warn those who’ve lost their husbands not to be a dead woman walking. This is assisted living, Gospel style.