“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1Tim 5:1-2).
Back in the sixties, cities across America thought they were smart to build multipurpose stadiums. They could use these modern coliseums for football one day, baseball the next, and a concert the day after. One size fits all. There was just one little problem. These joints were just terrible places for any sport. Multipurpose stadiums turned out to no purpose stadiums. One size does NOT fit all.
In a letter to a young pastor and protege, Paul encourages Timothy not to take a one-size-fits-all approach in dealing with folks in his congregation. “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (v1-2). Because the church is made up of individuals, you deal with them as individuals. Because a church is a family, you treat folks like family. Age appropriately. Gender appropriately. One size does NOT fit all.
The apostle has spent a lot of time talking to Tim about cleaning up the mess made by a bunch of spiritual snake oil salesmen (1Tim 1:3-7; 4:1-3). They distracted the people from following Jesus with all sorts of mumbo jumbo that sounded religious but had nothing to do with the Gospel. Refocus the church back on Christ and His overflowing goodness (1Tim 1:12-17; 2:3-7; 4:3-4). Get folks praying again (1Tim 2:1-2). Fill the leadership vacuum with godly men and women of integrity (1Tim 3:1-13). Paul then gives Tim a series of important instructions when it comes to serving God’s people as their pastor (1Tim 3:14-4:16).
Paul shifts gears at this point in his note to Tim. He moves from church-wide warnings and instructions to dealing with individuals. Instead of heavy handed rules handed down from some corporate cookie cutter, the apostle wants the young pastor to remember that the church is a family. And not just any family, but God’s family. Want to know how to treat each other? I don’t care how your own family put the funk in dysfunction. Interact the way a healthy and loving relatives would. With love. With grace. With respect. With integrity. Age appropriately. Gender appropriately. One size does NOT fit all.
As a rookie pastor, Tim is probably going to have a difficult time when trying to correct the older men in the church. So the apostle starts by saying, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father” (v1). The word behind “rebuke” is epiplesso, which literally means to strike sharply upon or beat on something in order to change it’s shape. Picture a blacksmith pounding on metal with his hammer.
Here Paul uses it for strongly reprimanding or beating up someone with sharp words. Some translations add “sharply” (NASB, AMP) or “harshly” (NIV, NRS, NLT). That’s exactly how you are NOT supposed to interact with older men in your church. Someone in leadership may need to correct them, but be very careful in how you do it. Don’t try to beat them into submission just because you’re in charge. You may be in a position of leadership or authority, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a human bulldozer. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
What an important reminder this is of the power of our words. That little ditty from the playground is a lie. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” What a crock! Words hurt. They cut and cut deeply. We should all remember the damage we can do with what we say.
Instead of hammering away in harshness on an older man in the church, Tim is to “encourage him as you would a father” (v1). Paul uses one of my all-time favorite Greek words here: parakaleo. It’s a compound word that can be used in a wide variety of incredibly positive ways. It literally means to call someone to your side or to speak while walking alongside someone. In various places, authors of the NT use it to cheer, urge, implore, ask, request, and invite.
Parakaleo is from the same root word describing the Holy Spirit as our Comforter and Counselor, Parakletos, (Jn 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7). Just as the Spirit wants God’s best for you and me, a pastor encourages senior saints in the congregation. This is the idea of relationship, friendship, and longterm investment. Not a drive-by rebuke.
Similarly in verse 2, Paul tells Timothy to treat “older women as mothers” (v2). Some spoiled teenage brat may bark back on their mom on the Dr. Phil show, but that’s not the way a child of God is to treat the woman who raise them. Tim had godly women in his life growing up, his grandmother Lois and mom Eunice (2Tim 1:5). No doubt the apostle is reminding his sidekick to interact with the more mature women in the Ephesian church in much the same way as he did with his mom and memaw. This is Paul’s way of saying, “Word to your mother.”
The big principle here is to treat the senior saints in your church the same way you would treat your parents. Just in case you forgot how that’s supposed to go down, God included the parent/child relationship back in His original Top Ten. “Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Ex 20:12). Respect the older men and women in the congregation the same way God commands us to respect our parents. Give them the honor they deserve.
Now this doesn’t mean you do everything they tell you. But it does mean we dismiss them out of hand as being old fogies and totally out of touch. They have a huge advantage when it comes to experience. They’re not chronologically challenged. Let’s be honest, balancing the wants and needs of a congregation with a broad range of ages isn’t easy. Don’t just blow off comments from the older members of the congregation. Certainly don’t tell them that if the music’s too loud, they’re too old. You might be surprised how they’ll respond when you cast vision for why your church does things a certain way.
Back in verse 1, Paul instructs Tim to treat “younger men as brothers” (v1). Again, don’t throw your weight around just because you have a plaque on your door or a title on your business card. The last thing you need to do as a pastor is cut yourself off from your friends and set up your office in the ivory tower. Remember you still need Jesus just as much as anybody else your age. Some of us might like the idea of dealing with the younger dudes like our brothers. You have childhood memories of noogies and wedgies. Yeah, that’s NOT what Paul’s talking about. You need their prayers and support, ESPECIALLY if you’re in leadership.
Finally, those in authority must interact with “younger women as sisters, in all purity” (v2). Don’t miss those three words at the end. “In all purity.” The Greek word here is agneia, which means a whole lot more than wearing a clean shirt and socks. This term carries strong sexual overtones. It can mean virginity or chastity. Paul’s talking about complete and total sexual propriety when a leader is around younger women.
You absolutely have to be above and beyond reproach when it comes to your interactions with young ladies. Robertson is right. Nothing will disqualify a young pastor more quickly than his conduct with young women! Don’t give even a hint of moral misconduct. A member of the opposite sex in your church is NOT your target. Stop it. She’s your sister. Treat her with respect and honor.
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