The 100% Husband

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1Tim 3:2).

Back in the ‘90s, Tim Meadows created the incredibly sleazy “Ladies Man” for Saturday Night Live. As creepy Leon Phelps, he would give his callers the most disgusting dating advice. A few things are clear about this sleaze bag. One, he wasn’t looking for anything close to a lady. Two, he was far from being a real man. Third, he was one of the least funny reoccurring characters on the show. 

On the bright side, he does provide us with the ultimate BAD example when it comes to a man’s faithfulness to his wife. And that’s exactly the kind of dude Paul describes a leader to be. An overseer is to be “the husband of one wife” (v2). Or as several translations tell us, a “one woman man.” Leon Phelps need not apply. Instead of the “Ladies Man,” he’s one lady’s man. A totally devoted, fully faithful, 100% husband.

So what does a bad SNL character have to do with a first century church in Asia Minor? So glad you asked. A few years before writing this letter to his protege Timothy, the Apostle Paul planted a church in the port city of Ephesus during his third tour of the Mediterranean Rim. Things apparently go very well for a while with the message of Jesus transforming lives all throughout the region. 

But after Paul left town something happened. Something bad happened. A team of spiritual con artists weaseled their way into the church and have derailed folks from following Jesus. With the apostle on the road in Macedonia, he sends his spiritual son Tim to pastor the Ephesian church (1Tim 1:1-3). His assignment is pretty simple. First, finish cleaning up the hot mess left by the false teachers (1Tim 1:3-7). Second, remind folks of God’s waterfall of grace (1Tim 1:8-17). Third, put godly servant leaders in place to fill the void left by the hucksters (1Tim 3:1-13). 

Paul tells Tim the kind of leaders Jesus is looking for. He doesn’t give him a list of qualifications, degrees, certifications, or work experience. You won’t see anything like this on Monster.com. It’s not a job description. Instead the apostle instructs Tim to look for qualities and character. He’s looking for fully devoted followers of Jesus who are worth following. The entire list starts off with integrity. “An overseer mush be above reproach” (v2). All that follows is simply what it looks like for a leader to be blameless in every other part of his life.

It’s interesting that the first specific trait Paul lists has seemingly nothing to do with church leadership. He’s not looking for three years experience. He’s not demanding a seminary degree. He’s not requiring a career in business as a upper level manager, CEO, or chairman of the board. They might be nice, but that takes a backseat to being “the husband of one wife” (v2). An overseer must be completely faithful in his most important human relationship. If he’s not totally devoted to her, can he really be trusted to lead the Bride of Christ?

Digging a little deeper into the original Greek reveals a few interesting and important points. “The husband of one wife” (v2) we see in the ESV literally reads “one woman man.” “One” (Gr. heis, mia, hen) describes the one and only, the single one, a particular one. An elder is to have one and only one lady in his life. He’s one lady’s man. A 100% husband.

Since polygamy really wasn’t a problem back in the Greco-Roman world, Paul’s not describing someone from the reality show “Sister Wives.” This is a man who has a single romantic relationship with one specific woman. In other words, he may be married but he doesn’t have someone on the side. You do know that’s wrong, right? To hop in the sack with someone before your married is called fornication. Messing around with anyone but your spouse is adultery. Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here.

Having a singular and devoted relationship also means we need to be careful with our friendships with the other sex. As followers of Jesus, men are to see woman as their treasured sisters, not targets. Men also need to be on high alert when it comes to sharing our hurts and hopes with women friends. Part of being a “one woman man” means you don’t have a so-called “work wife.” Stop chatting online with old girlfriends on Facebook. And yeah, you need to trash that Tinder account. Stop trying to swing like Tiger Woods (and I'm NOT talking about on the golf course!) Be a one lady’s man. A 100% husband.

The rest of the original language in this phrase, “woman” (Gr. gune, gunaikos) and “man” (Gr. aner, andros) emphasize gender and maturity. Why is that important? Because this really has zip, zilch, zero to say about divorce and everything to do with moral and sexual purity. There are a lot of churches and denominations who take “the husband of one wife” (v2) to mean an elder or overseer can’t be divorced. The only problem with that is the rest of this list is all about character qualities and integrity, not marital status. 

Now, let’s be VERY clear. Any man who’s been through the Big D needs to incredibly repentant and thoroughly examined before being asked to lead in the local church. It’s clear God hates divorce because of the damage it does ripping apart the “one flesh” He’s brought together (Gen 2:24; Mal 3:16 ; Mt 19:4-9). But the healing power of His grace is more than enough for those who know the incredible pain of divorce. Paul is NOT saying overseers can’t be divorced, but we need to be very cautious when a candidate has a failed marriage in their rearview mirror. Not just for the sake of the church but for person.

On the flip side, this does NOT mean church leaders must be married. It’s not a box that must be checked. The author of this very letter to Timothy was single guy (1Cor 7:8-9). This is about taking the covenant of marriage very seriously. Paul puts this kind of faithfulness at the top of his “an overseer must be above reproach” (v2) list because it’s the one every man is most prone to break. Don’t look at me like that, dude. You know deep down it’s true.

Paul can’t emphasize strongly enough that an overseer, elder, or pastor is a faithful husband. He must be fully devoted to the woman God has placed in his life. There’s no one on the side. Certainly not physically. Not even emotionally. A godly married man has one intimate friendship. A couple of versions reflect this idea in their paraphrases. “He must be faithful to his wife” (v2, NLT). “A leader must be…committed to his wife” (v2 The Message). Full devoted. Totally faithful. A one lady’s man. A 100% husband. 

It should come as no shock that Jesus gives us the perfect picture of what that looks like. But Christ was never married, you say. The Rabbi/Carpenter never hooked up with any lady during His 33 years on the earth because He already had a bride. His church. He was and is fully devoted to her. Paul tells the men of Ephesus that Jesus is our example of the perfect Husband (Eph 5:25-33). He loves her completely. He loves her sacrificially. He is the ultimate woman Man. Full devoted. Totally faithful. The one lady’s Man. The 100% Husband.

I'll Take "S" Words for $500, Alex

...submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21).

There’s a classic skit from Saturday Night Live where celebrities play “Jeopardy.”  Darrell Hammond does hilarious job of impersonating Sean Connery.  In the bit, Connery continually stumbles over the various category names.  When choosing his next question, he tells Alex Trebek (played by Will Farrell), “I’ll take ‘Swords’ for $500.”  The only problem is that it’s the category is actually “‘S’ Words.”  Here in his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul drops the “S” word.  Submission.  Few words strike fear into the hearts of Christians than the “S” word.  Can we all just take a deep breath and relax?  Better?  OK.  Let’s dive in.

If Jesus personally told you to do something, would you do it?  What if our Savior called you and gave you specific instructions, wouldn’t you obey?  Do you have such deep love and respect for Christ that you would be ready and willing to do what He says?  In many ways, that’s how Paul approaches the idea of mutual submission among believers.  One very important act of worship for Jesus’ followers is by “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v21).

YIKES!!!  There it is!!  The “S” word!  Submission has become one of the real land mines in the church over the last few decades.  It’s a dirty word in our nation that lives and breathes rugged individualism, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and you’d better give me my R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Submit?  You gotta be kidding me!!  Don’t you see my “Don’t tread on me” bumper sticker?!?

But Paul tells his friends back in Ephesus that mutual submission is a critical quality to be exhibited by Jesus’ followers in the church, in the home and in the workplace.  This command is NOT based on the qualifications of the one we’re submitting to.  This command IS based on the qualifications of the One who’s asking us to submit.  And if you missed it, that’s Jesus.  If you need a quick refresher, He’s the One who willingly set aside the pleasures of the heavenly palace and His rights to exercise His very Godness to come to earth and save you and me (Phil 2:6-8).  He didn’t have to.  But He did.  He submitted.  Because Jesus voluntarily submitted to the will of His Dad, He’s asking us to stop demanding our way when interacting with people.  Submission is a call to live a “me third” lifestyle.  God first.  Others second.  Me third.

In writing the word “submitting,” Paul uses the Greek verb hupotasso.  It means to put under, arrange under, subordinate, be subject to the control of another, voluntarily giving in and cooperating.  This is actually a military term that describes the lining up of troops into formation under their commanding officer.  The term literally means “place” (-tasso) “under” (hupo-).  It’s voluntarily giving up your will or rights in your relationships with others and placing yourself under them.  Check out a couple of other interesting uses of the “S” word.  Despite being both fully God and fully man, Jesus voluntarily cooperated and obeyed his earthly parents “and was submissive (Gr. hupotasso) to them” (Lk 2:51).  The apostle told Titus to remind Jesus’ followers to be good citizens and “be submissive (Gr. hupotasso) to rulers and authorities” (Titus 3:1).

A big part of the problem is how just about every Bible translator has ended the paragraph with this verse.  It’s cut off from the the verses that follow about submission in the home and workplace.  Here’s the deal.  In the original letters, there are no paragraphs.  As a matter of fact, there’s no punctuation.  Parchment was at such a premium that you didn’t waste any of it with blank spaces.  Writers used every stinkin’ inch.  So if you were reading this in the Ephesian church, there’s no break at the end of the verse.  Just to make sure you know I’m not going rogue on this idea, Robertson says that it’s possible to start a new paragraph here.  The idea of our mutual submission sets the stage for all that follows in Eph 5:22-6:9.  In a news story, this would be the lead sentence.  It’s really too bad that the paragraphs and chapters have fallen like they have.

So why am I to willingly hand over all my rights?  Who’s gonna make me?  Paul says that this is “out of reverence for Christ” (v21).  Oh.  My bad.  Again, this has absolutely nothing to do with any qualification, status or performance of the one I’m submitting to.  It has EVERYTHING to do with Jesus, the One who’s asking me to submit.  I’m to give up my place because of my  “reverence” to my Savior.  This is the Greek noun phobos.  It means respect and fear.  Reverence of God is critical to my relationship with Him.  Solomon taught his kids that everything starts with a proper view of God and a healthy “fear of the LORD” (Prov 1:7; 9:10).

But fear Jesus?  Gentle Jesus?  The same Jesus that carries that cute little lamb on His shoulders in the flannel graph picture?  Well, we need to remember who Jesus really is.  Don’t limit Him to just how you want to see Him.  Check out how His best friend John saw Jesus.  At dinner, John and Jesus were such good friends that the apostle would actually lean back on the Rabbi/Carpenter (Jn 13:23).  I don’t know about you, but there aren’t too many people who would allow me to invade their personal space during dinner!  But this very same John “fell at His feet as though dead” when he laid eyes on the glorious risen Christ (Rev 1:17).  Johnny had, shall we say, a robust view of Christ Jesus.  He loves his best Friend.  He worships his awe-inspiring God!  

Meanwhile, back at the “S” word.  Our attitude of submission has nothing to do with the person I’m submitting to.  It has everything to do with the One asking me to submit.  I set my will aside out of my love for my best Friend Jesus.  I voluntarily give up any privilege I might have as an act of worship to my God Jesus. 

I’ll take “S” words for $500, Alex.

Well, what do you think?  Agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below and let's chat.