Love Your Wife=Love Yourself

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself (Eph 5:28).

Each year I go visit my doctor and get a physical.  I need to know how my body is doing.  I need to know if there’s anything wrong.  I need that outside opinion.  I need that expert opinion.  Well, there’s another way I can check on my spiritual and emotional health.  That’s by taking a look at my wife.  God says that since we’re married, we’re one.  To care for my wife is to care for myself.  To care for myself is to care for my wife.  “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself” (v28).

Love your wife=Love yourself.

Here are two of the four times in this letter to the Ephesians that Paul tells married men to love their wives.  He did it earlier as he compared that to how Jesus loved His church through self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25).  And he’ll do it one more time as he wraps things up (Eph 5:33).  Clearly he understands the thick skulls of the husbands he’s talking to.  Hey guys, love your wives.  Love your wives.  Love your wives!  LOVE YOUR WIVES!!!  Not once.  Not twice.  Not even three times.  The apostle pounds the nail four stinkin’ times.  Hopefully, he has our attention.  Hey, fellas, love your wives.  Got it?  Good.

The interesting thing is that most of this picture of a husband’s love for his wife is actually a beautiful portrait of Jesus’ love for His bride, the church.  Christ loves her by living a life of self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25).  He loves her by continually washing her in His Word and giving her a Bible bath (Eph 5:26).  He loves her by playing an active role in their wedding preps to the point that jaws drop when she’s about to walk down the aisle (Eph 5:27).  Our marriage isn’t a picture of His marriage.  It’s the other way around.  Jesus’ loving relationship with His church is the perfect example of what my marriage should look like.  That’s exactly Paul’s point as he turns the focus from Christ’s marriage to mine.  I’m to love my wife “in the same way” (v28).  He’s the gold standard of grooms.  No one will ever live up to how Jesus has loved and will love His bride.  But that’s my goal.  “In the same way” (v28).  

“Husbands should love their wives” (v28).  The command here is actually a little different grammatically.  Paul uses the verb “should.”  This is the Greek word otheilo.  It actually means to owe what is due.  When the apostle wrote to his buddy Phil about his runaway slave Onesimus, he promised to pay back anything he may have stolen.  “If he has wronged you at all, or owes (Gr. otheilo) you anything, charge that to my account” (Phm 18).  You can also translate this word as ought, must, to be under obligation, duty bound, to be necessary or indispensable.  As a husband, I owe it to my wife to love her.  But my debt isn’t due because of something she’s done.  I owe it to my bride because of what Jesus has done.  I owe it to my wife because we have a covenant, not a contract.  A contract indicates some sort of deal with very specific terms.  If you do this, I promise to do that.  If one party fails to fulfill, the other is off the hook.  That’s a contract.  But marriage is a covenant.  That’s a pledge to do something no matter what.  It’s a promise without conditions.  It’s unconditional love.  I owe it to my wife to love her no matter what.  

Over in his letter to his crew in Rome, Paul combines the idea of being in debt and being in love. “Owe (Gr. otheilo) no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (Rom 13:8).  Be debt free except when it comes to love.  After Jesus washed His disciples’ filthy feet, He told them, “You also ought (Gr. otheilo) to wash one another’s feet” (Jn 13:14).  Moments later, Christ connected the dots between love and ought.  “Love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:34-35).  As the husband, you owe it to your wife to love her.

This is a powerful reminder of what Christ-like love is all about.  Agape.  It’s so much more than a warm fuzzy feeling toward someone else.  It’s love in action.  It’s love with legs.  It’s love that does.  It’s love on the move.  If you love someone, you do for them.  You don’t simply telepathically send them positive vibes.  You love by doing.  That’s how Jesus loved us.  That’s how husbands are to love their wives.

The husband should take care of his bride with the same devotion that he cares for himself.  There’s a subtle reminder here that God expects us to keep our bodies in good physical shape.  Keep an eye on your weight.  Get regular exercise.  Eat healthy foods.  Make sure you get plenty of rest.  We really must take great care of the temple of the Holy Spirit (1Cor 6:19).  It goes without saying that followers of Jesus should take care of themselves physically.  Our body is just one of several things He’s given us to steward and maximize on this side of eternity.    

Once a man is married, he’s responsible to care not only for his body but the body of his new bride as well.  MacArthur calls this “one of the most poignant and compelling descriptions of the oneness that should characterize Christian marriage.”  Paul is about to refresh us on what God said to Adam and Eve at the first wedding (Eph 5:31; Gen 2:24).  Once the husband and wife are married, they are “one flesh.”  One flesh emotionally.  One flesh physically.  One flesh spiritually.  That’s the reason behind this command.  The best way for a husband to love himself is to actually love his wife.  Because they are one flesh.

So if you want to know how you’re doing physically, emotionally and spiritually, take a look at your wife.  If you’re loving her as Jesus loves His bride, she’s in tip top shape.  To steal a phrase from Vidal Sassoon, if she doesn’t look good, you don’t look good.  You are one flesh.  Men, love your wives as you would love your own body.  

Love your wife=Love yourself.

This where you jump in.  Do you agree?  Do you disagree?  One way or the other, I would really love to hear from you.  Drop a comment below and we'll chat.

Here Comes the Bride!

...so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish (Eph 5:27).

The organist pounds out the opening strains of the wedding march.  The congregation rises in unison.  The bride appears at the back of the church escorted by her father.  While the folks on both sides of the aisle utter the appropriate “oohs” and “aahs" when they see her, there’s one person in the sanctuary who is absolutely blown away.  It’s the groom.  When her husband-to-be takes one look at his bride all dressed in her glorious white gown, his jaw hits the floor.  Here in this section of Ephesians, Paul invites his readers to flip open the wedding album.  These are the pictures from the greatest wedding the universe will ever see: Jesus and His church.  Unlike most grooms, Christ has been intimately involved in prepping His bride, “so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (v27).  

Here comes the bride!

For the past few verses, the Apostle Paul has given his friends in Ephesus a picture of marriage between disciples of Jesus.  What it looks like to “be imitators of God” (Eph 5:1) in a marriage.  This is what it means to “walk in love” like Jesus (Eph 5:2) with our spouse.  This is what it looks like when a wife and husband are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).    First he tells the wife to willingly cooperate with her husband’s leadership (Eph 5:22).  Husbands are to realize that as “the head of the wife” (Eph 5:23) he is responsible to be her hero and protector.  Married men are to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25) through self-sacrifice.  Then suddenly, Paul turns his attention from Christian marriage to Christ’s marriage.  In Ephesians 5:26-32, he flips through the pictures of Jesus and His bride.  Many times these verses are said to show us our Savior’s relationship with His church in how a husband relates to his wife.  Nope.  It’s the other way around.  The purpose here is to hold Christ’s marriage to His bride as the standard for human marriage.  And just in case you are mistaken, the apostle grabs us by the ears and gets our attention: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:32).

Let’s flip through some of the wedding pictures, shall we?  We see that Jesus has been setting His fiancee apart and preparing her for the big day.  He’s been sanctifying her and making her squeaky clean with a Bible bath, “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:26).  He’s been a big part of the wedding preps.  There’s probably a lesson here for a lot of us guys who have pretty much blown off our bride’s begging by saying, “Whatever you think, dear.”  Come on, dude.  Get involved!  Jesus was involved.  Jesus is STILL involved.  He’s intimately involved with what’s REALLY important.  He knows that the spiritual growth of His bride is what makes her the most beautiful.  He knows what it will take to stun the crowd when they see her at the back of the sanctuary.

Christ plans to “present the church to Himself in splendor” (v27).  The Greek verb here translated as “present” is paristemi.  It means to place beside, deliver near, bring into one’s fellowship or intimacy.  In his letter to the Roman church, Paul urges them to “present (Gr. paristemi) your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Rom 12:1).  In the same way that we hand ourselves over to God because of what He’s done for us, Jesus presents His bride at the ceremony.  Over in Colossians, the apostle includes VERY similar language in his breathtaking portrait of Christ.  “He has now reconciled His body of flesh by His death, in order to present (Gr. paristemi) you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him” (Col 1:22).  Don’t miss the fact that in some way Jesus is both giving away His bride and standing as the Groom at the altar.  He’s presenting her and delivering her at the ceremony.  Check out the Message’s take on this verse: “Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant in holiness” (v27, The Message).  Jesus does everything to ensure that His church will be one beautiful bride.

Check out Christ’s bride all dressed in white as she begins her walk.  Jesus will “present the church to Himself in splendor” (v27).  In this spectacular ceremony, our Savior actually escorts her down the aisle too.  And she looks spectacular.  Paul says that she’s “in splendor” (v27).  This Greek term endoxos means glorious, something or someone held in great esteem, majestic, wonderful and in some cases free from sin.  In a conversation with some friends of John the Dunker, Jesus talked about rich folks “dressed in splendid (Gr. endoxos) clothing” who live in the king’s palace (Lk 7:25).  Sweet threads.  Designer clothes.  Earlier in this letter, Paul tells us “to put on the new self” (Eph 4:24).  There’s an idea of reaching into Christ’s closet and wearing His righteousness.  Those are glorious duds.  That’s what it means to be “in splendor” (v27).  She looks spectacular because she’s wearing the very righteousness of her sinless Groom!  Check out what she’s wearing.  Not one spot.  Not one wrinkle.  No one flaw.  In the great love song called the Song of Songs, Solomon serenades his hot new wife.  “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (SoS 4:7).  

Here comes the bride!

What do these wedding photos have to do with my marriage?  Well, Jesus loves His bride with a purifying love.  He sees His bride for what she will be.  Let’s face it, the church is pretty jacked up.  She’s a real Bridezilla!  But the Lord loves her by cleansing her.  So just as Christ can’t stand the thought of any sin corrupting His bride, believing husbands must not be able to bear the idea of their wives being defiled as well.  A married man can’t change his wife.  You get that, right?  But he knows a Guy who can.  Jesus.  Allow Christ to use you to do in your wife what He’s doing for His.  Like the church, your wife might have room for improvement.  But can we be honest?  So do you.  See your wife for what she will be. 

Here comes the bride!

I would like to dedicate this post to my lovely bride, Debbie.  As I post this, it's our 38th wedding anniversary.  And she's just as stunning as the day she walked down that aisle.

Give Your Wife a Bible Bath

... that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (Eph 5:26).

My wife loves to end the day with a long bath.  If the day has ambushed her, she finds the tub to be a place of rest and relaxation.  Paul talks about how Jesus uses a very special kind of bath for His bride, the church.  The apostle commands married men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25).  He first says that our Savior demonstrated His love to His church through His self-sacrifice.  Paul goes on to tell us that Jesus doesn’t stop there, “that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (v26).  Christ fills the tub for His bride, but not with bubbles.  He uses something that cleans so much better than Calgon.  His Word.  Not bubbles but Bible.  Scripture, take me away!

Let’s get something straight about what Paul is saying here.  This verse is about Jesus and His bride.  Paul describes what Christ’s love for the church looks like in very practical terms.  Does a Jesus following hubby play a role in his wife’s spiritual growth?  Absolutely!  There is no doubt that’s the case.  In his command to the married ladies, the apostle said “the husband is the head of the wife” (Eph 5:23).  This doesn’t mean he’s to be a brutal dictator.  It does mean that he’s responsible and accountable to God for her care, nourishment and growth.  And Paul told the folks in Corinth that somehow and someway believing spouses actually have a sanctifying effect if they’re married to unbelieving partners.  “For the unbelieving husband is made holy (Gr. hagiazo) because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy (Gr. hagiazo) because of her husband” (1Cor 7:14).  But, fellas, your wife is NOT a project.  You’re NOT flipping a house.  You are NOT Jesus.  He’s the One responsible for her sanctification.  Husband, be ready and available to be used by Christ in what He’s doing in the life of your wife.

Paul makes it clear that a big part of Jesus’ expression of love to His church is to “sanctify her” (v26).  This is the Greek verb hagiazo, which means to make holy, consecrate, dedicate or separate to God and His service.  We need to understand a couple of critical ideas when it comes to God’s saving process.  One VERY important thing He does at our moment of salvation is to justify us.  This happens when Jesus’ perfect life, death and resurrection are exchanged for our sin and rebellion (2Cor 5:21).  Many folks call it the Great Exchange.  The result is that when our heavenly Dad looks at us, He doesn’t see our sin.  He sees His sinless Son.  At that point, something else begins to happen.  God begins to actually make us holy.  This is the process we call sanctification.  It will last my entire earthly life.  But what God starts, He finishes (Phil 1:6).  According to Tullian Tchvidjian, the best way to participate in our sanctification is to continually remember our justification.  Married men should continually remind their believing wives of who they are in Christ.  That’s what Jesus does for His bride.

To sanctify or make holy includes the idea of setting apart for a special use or purpose.  Mark Driscoll says this like the difference between the plates your family uses for everyday meals and those dishes pulled out of the hutch for important meals and holidays.  You don’t just use the fine china when you’re burning a few hot dogs on the grill.  You save it for a special occasion like Thanksgiving.  It’s sanctified for special use.  It’s consecrated for a unique purpose.  God has selected His followers for a unique cause.  Like the church in Corinth.  “To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified (Gr. hagiazo) in Christ Jesus” (1Cor 1:2).  We’re to make Him famous.  Husbands should constantly remind their wives of their special purpose in God’s kingdom.

The word hagiazo also means to purify and completely cleanse.  A huge part of Jesus’ heart is the clean His church to rid her of filth and sin.  Christ continually washing His bride.  It was part of His plan all along.  The night before His execution, Jesus prayed for His crew and asked His Dad, “Sanctify (Gr. hagiazo) them in the truth; Your word is truth...And for their sake I consecrate (Gr. hagiazo) Myself, that they also may be sanctified (Gr. hagiazo) in truth” (Jn 17:17-19).  Some of us might think that we’re beyond His ability to supernaturally scrub us clean.  We think we’re too dirty.  We think we’re too nasty.  Think again.  Check out the miraculous bath the Corinthians experienced.  Before Jesus, they were sinning sexually, using hookers, worshiping idols, sleeping around outside of marriage, practicing homosexuality, stealing, greedy, continually high and drunk, as well as abusing, swindling and trash talking.  But something spectacular happened once Christ saved them.  “And such were some of you.  But you were washed, you were sanctified (Gr. hagiazo), you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1Cor 6:11).  God won’t just clean you up part of the way and walk away.  He promises to finish the job.  “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify (Gr. hagiazo) you completely” (1Th 5:23).  What He starts, He always finishes (Phil 1:6).

So how do husbands who follow Jesus follow His example?  What does this look like in a Christian marriage?  First of all, husbands need to know where their wives are in God’s process.  Does she follow Christ?  Has she ever placed her trust in who He is and what He’s done?  We’re not to be “unequally yoked” in marriage (2Cor 6:14).  But what happens if one spouse comes to faith after the wedding?  It certainly happens.   As Paul writes in 1Corinthians 7, stay married and let God use you in His process.  Husbands should continually remind their wives of who they are in Christ.  Too often folks who believe in Jesus fall victim to the lies that Satan continually whispers in our ear.  Once our Savior justifies her, assure her that nothing can change that.  Assure her that when her heavenly Dad looks at her, He sees His sinless Son.  An important key to our sanctification is to remember our justification.  And husbands do that by knowing God’s Word and continually bathing our brides in it.  Quote Scripture to her.  Pray Scripture over her.  Bubble baths are nice.  But what your bride really needs is a Bible bath.

So what do YOU think?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

The Perfect Gift

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph 5:25).

One of the hardest things for me is finding a gift for my lovely bride.  There are several factors that go into the decision.  It needs to be something she really wants.  It needs to be something she really likes.  It needs to be something of value.  It needs to be unique.  When you consider that this needs to happen at least four times each year (Christmas, anniversary, birthday and Valentines Day), you can feel my pain.  Please don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE giving my wife presents.  But I’m not that smart and simply run out of ideas.  Paul gives guys like me some fantastic gift advice here in his letter to the Ephesian church.  “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25).  If a husband truly wants to express his love to his bride, do what Jesus did.  Give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

Let’s back up for a little context here.  Paul is in the joint in Rome waiting for his appeal to be heard (Eph 3:1; 4:1; 6:20).  He’s writing to his friends back in Ephesus in response to a nasty heresy that’s headed their way.  Just 100 miles down the road, a team of spiritual hucksters have sold a false gospel to believers in Colossae, Laodicea and Hierapolis.  They’ve duped folks into thinking that Jesus may have gotten us into God’s kingdom but it’s up to us to stay in.  Their secret formula?  Follow this super special list of religious rules and regulations.  After writing a letter of correction that we call Colossians, Paul fires off another note to the Ephesians.  He knows that when we’re absolutely clear about who Jesus is, what He’s done and who we are in Him, we won’t be tempted to buy such spiritual snake oil of self-salvation.

The apostle is describing what family life looks like for the followers of Jesus (Eph 5:22-6:4).  Once we understand that everything we’ll ever need we already have in Jesus, we can “be imitators of God” (Eph 5:1).  We can “walk in love” just like Jesus (Eph 5:2).  We can “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8).  The rubber meets the road when we are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).  Paul begins addressing specific people at this point.  He starts with married women.  They are to willingly and lovingly cooperate with their husbands just as the church does with Jesus (Eph 5:22-24).

Now he moves on to the hubbies.  “Husbands, love your wives” (v25).  This is a clearly a command.  But how can Paul demand emotion like love?  How can anyone demand how we feel?  It must be a pretty big deal because this is the first of four commands for husbands to love their wives over the next nine verses.  Clearly God isn’t sure we’re going to get this through our thick skulls the first time.  Or second.  Or third.  “Love your wives” (v25).  “Love their wives” (Eph 5:28).  “Loves his wife” (Eph 5:28).  “Love his wife” (Eph 5:33).  Call it the Fantastic Four.  He’s only commanded submission to married women twice.  It’s no coincidence that Paul devotes three times more space on the page addressing husbands (nine verses) than he does the wives (three verses).  Let’s face it.  As husbands, we can be real knuckleheads.

God can command us to love because biblical love isn’t some warm and fuzzy feeling.  It’s action.  It’s doing.  As the old DC Talk song says, “Love is a verb.”  And the verb here for love here is agapao.  If it looks familiar, it should.  This is the verb cousin to the noun agape.  It means to show or prove one’s love through action, to love based on choice and to show affection as a matter of will.  This is love based on choice, will and action.  Actually, Jesus’ best friend John gives us a nifty definition in one of his letters.  “Let us not love (Gr. agapao) in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1Jn 3:18).  Now it doesn’t mean that this is just an icy cold, passionless act.  There is certainly a deep emotional component to it.  But it’s NOT dependent on how you feel.  It’s expressed by what you do.

So husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Jesus loves His bride, the church.  With a self-giving, self-sacrificing, “me third” kind of love in action.  The night before He was murdered, Jesus told His boys that He had some very special, last minute instructions for them.  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love (Gr. agapao) one another; just as I have loved (Gr. agapao) you, you also are to love (Gr. agapao) one another” (Jn 13:34).  How did Jesus love His crew?  He literally gave Himself for them.  This self-sacrificing love in action clearly became a dominant theme for the Apostle John.  “By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1Jn 3:16).  There’s no more simple and powerful statement on the impact of Jesus’ love than this: “We love (Gr. agapao) because He first loved (Gr. agapao) us” (1Jn 4:19).  If you want a bigger picture of Christ-like love, you need to file Chapter 13.  That’s 1^st Corinthians chapter 13.  The rock band Foreigner pleaded, “I want to know what love is.”  Here Paul gives us one of the most beautiful descriptions of it.  This is how Jesus loves.  This is how husbands are to love.  Guys, give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

The apostle wants married men to clearly see how Jesus loved His bride.  He “gave Himself up for her” (v25).  He uses the Greek verb paradidomi, which means to give into the hands of another, give over into someone’s power, deliver, entrust or hand over.  This is a willing surrender of Himself for His church.  He gives Himself for His church.  Our God is a Giver.  He gave His one and only Son out of His love for us (Jn 3:16).  He gives us His Holy Spirit (Jn 14:15-17, 26; 15:26; 16:7-8, 13).  And flip back to that amazing Tsunami of Blessings that overwhelms Paul in the first part of this letter to Ephesus (Eph 1:3-14).  Our very salvation is a gift from a gracious God (Eph 2:5-9).  He gives.  And He gives.  And He gives.  The apostle reminds us once again of Jesus’ grace.  He “gave Himself up for her” (v25).  No one forced Jesus to die for His bride.  He did it willingly.  He delivered Himself for her as an act of love.  He exchanged His life for her good.  “They bound Jesus and led Him away and delivered (Gr. paradidomi) Him over to Pilate” (Mk 15:1).  Christ gives HIMSELF!  He gave everything for her!

In that message to the Colossians that he wrote just before this note to Ephesus, Paul gives a very similar command.  “Husbands, love (Gr. agapao) your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col 3:19).  But a little later in this letter to the Ephesians, he adds a wonderful new phrase: “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25).  Robertson says that this lifts the idea of the husband’s love for his wife to the highest possible plane.  Married men are to love their wives with the same boundless, no-holds-barred, selfless and sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated for His bride.  Jesus gave everything for His church.  He gave His very life for His church.  That’s the standard of love for believing husbands.

Let’s make sure that we understand what Paul is NOT saying here.  It’s real easy for men to manipulate God’s command to the wife about submission.  Remember, fellas, the command to submit is not made to husbands.  This is the Lord’s command to our wives.  And no one placed us in the position to enforce that command.  We’re not the submission police.  Instead, Paul tells us to love our brides with the same self-sacrifice that Christ loved His wife.  The Bible paints a beautiful portrait of a the husband laying down his very life for his bride that’s in direct opposition of any sort of emotional or physical abuse.

I absolutely love how The Message shares this verse.  “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting” (Eph 5:25 The Message).  Go all out for her.  It’s not about getting.  It’s all about giving.  Give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

Well, what do you think?  Yeah, YOU!  Agree?  Disagree?  Or maybe you might have suggestion about what I can get my wife for a present.  Whatever the case, drop a comment below.  I'd love to hear from you.

Submission Possible

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands (Eph 5:24).

Paul continues to paint a picture of what life looks like between believers.  We need to remember that none of this is possible without Jesus.  We can only be “imitators of God” because of who He is and what He’s done (Eph 5:1).  He’s the only One who makes it possible to “walk in love” just as He did (Eph 5:2).  He’s the only One who makes it possible to “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8).  It’s only through the ongoing power of His gracious Gospel that we can know and experience relationships as they are truly meant to be.  

We find ourselves in middle of Paul’s commands to Christ following wives.  Married women are to willingly obey their husbands as act of worship to Jesus (Eph 5:22).  That’s because her husband is ultimately accountable and responsible for the care and protection of his bride just as Christ is to His bride, the church.  The apostle once again compares the husband and wife with Jesus and His church.  “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (v24).  Uh oh.  There’s that “S” word again.  Submit.  Here’s the literal translation of the verse: “But as the church submits to Christ, in the same way also the wife to the husband in all things.”  But is this submission possible?  Before everybody starts foaming at the mouth over Paul’s first century male chauvinism, let’s take a closer look at what’s going on here.  Take a deep breath.  Are we OK?  All right.  Stay with me. 

Before we look at God’s command to married women, let’s drill down on the first half of this verse.  “Now as the church submits to Christ” (v24).  The word “church” is the Greek term ekkelsia.  Before the followers of Jesus adopted this word as their own, it described an assembly, a meeting or any gathering of people called out from their homes.  The noun literally means the “called out ones.”  That being the case, it’s VERY easy to see how this came to mean a congregation of Jesus’ followers.  We’re to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Eph 4:1).  God has called us out.

As the “called out ones,” we’re to voluntarily cooperate with our Savior.  This willing obedience to Jesus is seen in the verb hupotasso.  It means to put under, arrange under, subordinate, be subject to the control of another, voluntarily giving in and cooperating or obey.  This is actually a military term that describes the lining up of troops into formation under their commanding officer.  The term literally means “to place” (-tasso) “under” (hupo-).  It’s voluntarily giving up your will or rights in your relationships with others.  Paul’s command to married women to submit must be seen through the lens of his earlier order to all believers: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).  Before we get bent out of shape over a wife submitting to her husband, let’s remember that every last one of Jesus’ followers are to  cooperate with one another.  That includes husbands with their wives.  

And we need to understand that the “S” word does NOT carry any sense of inferiority.  The husband is not better than his wife.  The wife is not some second class citizen in the marriage.  Remember, Jesus willingly submits to His Dad even though He is just as much God as the other two members of the Trinity.  If you have any doubts about Jesus and His mind blowing “Godness,” flip over to Col 1:15-22.  Yeah, He’s God all right.  More God than I can wrap my brain around.  Yet Christ submitted Himself to the Father to personally go on the rescue mission that resulted in a bloody cross and an empty tomb.  He willingly submitted Himself to live the perfect life that I completely failed to live.  He willingly submitted Himself to die the brutal death for my sin that I should have died.  He willingly rose to a spectacular new life that I absolutely do not deserve.  So what do you think, does Jesus’ mission of submission make Him inferior?  Naw.  I didn’t think so either.

At this point, Paul inserts a hinge in the middle of the verse.  “So also” (Gr. houtos).  This little word means likewise, in the same way, in a similar way or in this manner.  It’s used to compare one thing with another.  It refers to whatever is before it and introduces whatever follows.  The apostle wants us to see the relationship between how the church relates to Jesus and how the wife relates to her husband.  Once again, God uses the model of Jesus and His bride the church as our example for human marriage.  Not the other way around.  Here Paul mentions the church and her willing submission to the Lord as an act of love and worship.  Can we be honest?  Is your church submitting to Christ?  In everything?  I didn’t think so.  Before we move on to God’s command to the wife, let’s take a long hard look at each of our church’s obedience to her Husband.  This is His church, not ours (Eph 1:22; 4:15; 5:23).  He’s the true Senior Pastor and Chief Shepherd of our each of our congregations (1Pet 5:4).  Whatever He tells us to do is for our good and His glory.  The problem is that too often our human agendas take precedence over what Christ commands.  Are we staying true to what Jesus tells His body to do?  Are we making disciples (Mt 28:18-20)?  Are we loving one another with sacrificial, “me third” love (Jn 13:34-35)?  Are regularly celebrating the Lord’s Supper and remembering His work on the cross for our sin (1Cor 11:23-26)?  Are we outposts of His kingdom?  Are we waterfalls of His grace?  Let’s make sure that our local churches are obeying Jesus.  It is His church after all.

With that as our model for marriage, Paul writes, “So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (v24).  It’s not an “if-the-husband-does-this-the-wife-does-that” command.  The wife’s willing cooperation is not based on anything the husband does (or doesn’t do!).  That’s because marriage is a covenant not a contract.  It’s a no matter what pledge between a husband and wife.  The apostle makes a nearly identical order in his letter to the Colossians.  “Wives, submit (Gr. hupotasso) to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:18).  OK, maybe this is just the opinion of some unmarried missionary who really doesn’t understand how marriage really works.  Let’s see what the Apostle Peter has to say about submission and cooperation in marriage.  Pete’s a married man (Mt 8:14).  Surely he knows better than the bachelor from Tarsus.  Check out what he had to say in his first epistle.  “Wives, be subject (Gr. hupotasso) to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct...For this is how the holy women who hoped in God adorn themselves, by submitting (Gr. hupotasso) to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1Pet 3:1-2, 5-6).  Oh well.  God’s command is consistent throughout His Word on His view of marriage.

Married women are to lovingly submit themselves in obedience to their husbands.  Why is this so stinkin’ hard to do?  Well, it all goes back to the fall.  I don’t mean last October.  We’re talking THE Fall.  I mean the greatest and most horrific disaster the world has ever known.  That tragic day in Eden when the satanic snake duped Eve into disobeying God (Gen 3:1-7).  Not only did she eat of the forbidden fruit but she gave it to her do-nothing husband who was standing right there.  As a result, God told our first mom that her relationship with Adam would be corrupted forever.  “You desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Gen 3:16).  The best understanding of this verse is that Eve would now possess an innate desire to dominate and rule her hubby because of her sin.  What God created as a relationship that moved in perfect rhythm with His shalom was forever warped and polluted.  From that day forward, married women everywhere have the drive and desire to dominate their husbands.

As part of Christ’s restoration of His creation, He’s setting things straight in our marriages.  Here in Ephesians 5:22-33, God tells married couples that Jesus changes everything in their relationship.  He turns it upside down.  He commands both the wife and hubby to do exactly the opposite of what their sinful natures want to do.  The wife wants to dominate her man.  The husband wants to use her wife as a means to get sex.  God’s economy turns everything on its head.  Actually, God’s economy restores everything back to the way it was in the beginning.  Wives, submit and willingly obey your husbands in the same way that Jesus submitted Himself to His Father.  Husbands, love your wives with that same sacrificial “me third” love that Jesus modeled when He gave His life for His bride. In other words, God calls both the wife and the husband to model Christ.  The wife models our Lord’s submission to His Father.  The husband models our Lord’s sacrificial love for His church.

But how is this possible?  If sin has corrupted our very DNA, how can a Christ following wife humbly submit to her husband?  Back up just a few verses in Paul’s letter.  “Be filled with the Spirit” (Eph 5:18).  Only when we are empowered by the Spirit of God are we able to obey.  God will “grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being” (Eph 3:16).  The same explosive power of the Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is available to believers (Eph 1:19-20).  Apart from God, we can’t do anything of lasting value (Jn 15:5).  In His strength, we can do His will and obey His commands (Phil 4:13).  

Submission possible.

So what do you think?  Surely I must've ticked SOMEBODY off.  Agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below.

Don't Let It Go to Your Head

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior (Eph 5:23).

Let’s cut to the chase.  Few verses in the Bible have been as misused as this one.  “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior” (v23).  Power hungry husbands have pulled out their 20 pound King Jimmy and pounded away on their wives with Paul’s words for a long, long time.  Men have played scriptural head games with the ladies over this passage.  Is the apostle saying that the husband is a position of authority in the marriage?  Absolutely.  BUT a closer look at the text tells us how this authority is to be used.  It’s to be used in the same way Jesus has loved His bride.  As hero.  As rescuer.  As protector.  In other words, don’t let it go to your head!

And this verse has also been, ahem, flipped on its head through the years.  Folks have thought that the relationship between a husband and wife gives us a picture of Jesus and His church.  No, it’s the other way around.  Paul says that the entire marriage relationship is actually a reflection of the perfect marriage between Christ and His bride.  Jesus is the model Husband.  Jesus is the example and standard for married men to live up to.  When men who follow Jesus want to know how to love and care for our wives, we must continually be “looking to Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of our faith” (Heb 12:2).  

From a Roman prison cell, Paul is giving his friends back in Ephesus a picture of what it looks like to be “imitators of God” (Eph 5:1) and to “walk in love” just like Jesus (Eph 5:2).  And in these verses, he’s giving us a glimpse of family life.  He’s telling us how a husband and wife should relate.  And that all starts when both partners in the marriage are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).  We willingly put our spouse in the position of priority as an act of worship toward Jesus.  I must carry the idea of Christ-like mutual submission throughout all of Eph 5:22-6:9.

The apostle has just instructed the wife to “submit to your own husband” as a way to honor her Lord (Eph 5:22).  He goes on to tell her that “the husband is the head of the wife” (v23).  In the original Greek text, he uses the word kephale.  It literally means a human or animal head.  The noggin.  The melon.  The term can even describe a severed head.  As a reward for her disgusting striptease for her uncle/stepdad, Herodias’ daughter asked for “the head (Gr. kephale) of John the Baptist on a platter” (Mk 6:25).

But this Greek noun also describes the top, anything supreme or chief.  The kephale is anything or anyone prominent that’s ultimately accountable and responsible.  The writers of the Bible continually refer to Jesus in that position.  Two other times in this letter, Paul did just that.  God “put all things under His feet, and gave Him as head (Gr. kephale) over all things to the church” (Eph 1:22).  As we become more and more spiritually mature, “we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head (Gr. kephale), into Christ” (Eph 4:15).  Over in the apostle’s letter to the folks in Colossae (which he wrote at the same time as Ephesians), it’s a consistent theme too.  “He is the head (Gr. kephale) of the body, the church” (Col 1:18).  Jesus is 100% man and 100% God and “the head (Gr. kephale) of all rule and authority” (Col 2:9-10).  The key way to avoid being duped by false teaching is to cling to Christ, “holding fast to the head (Gr. kephale), from whom the whole body is nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God” (Col 2:19).  

Clearly, Jesus is the perfect Leader.  He’s the perfect Head.  He’s the perfect Husband.  A huge part of that role as the head of His church is Christ’s responsibility for His bride.  As the head of the wife, the husband is accountable for her care, her protection and her growth in the same way Jesus is with His church.  As the first head husband, Adam was responsible for Eve.  That’s why when she sinned, he was accountable (1Tim 2:13-14).  And why not?  The dude was standing right there when he allowed his wife to chat it up with that slimy satanic snake (Gen 3:1-6).  

Gentlemen, we’re responsible and accountable for the care and protection of our wives.  That means one of two things for most of us.  One, get engaged!  No, I don’t mean pop the question and buy the ring.  I’m talking about becoming fully engaged in the spiritual growth of your wife.  Stop abdicating and ignoring your marital responsibility.  Pastor your wife!  Wash her in God’s Word (Eph 5:26).  Pray with her.  Pray for her.  Then there’s the other extreme.  Stop emotionally abusing your wife by throwing your weight around scripturally.  That is NOT what this verse means.  Is the husband the human authority in the marriage?  Sure.  But it’s not to be used willy nilly.  Save it for those tough decisions.  Don’t let it go to your head.  Our relationship with our wives is also a picture of our relationship with Jesus and His relationship with His Father.  “The head (Gr. kephale) of every man is Christ, the head (Gr. kephale) of a wife is her husband, and the head (Gr. kephale) of Christ is God” (1Cor 11:3).  Does Jesus abusively boss you around?  Does Christ’s heavenly Dad bully His Boy?  No, I didn’t think so.  Don’t let it go to your head.

Jesus is also the ultimate Hero to His bride as her “Savior” (v23).  This is the Greek word soter, which means the agent of salvation, rescuer, deliverer and protector.  It comes from the word that means “to save.”  When she found out who her Baby was, Jesus’ mother Mary sang, “My spirit rejoices in God my Savior (Gr. soter)” (Lk 1:47).  Paul told the folks in the synagogue at Antioch of Pisida, “God has brought to Israel a Savior (Gr. soter), Jesus, as He promised” (Acts 13:18).  The church has a Hero.  The church has a Rescuer.  The church has a Savior.  Forget Superman or any other member of the comic book universe.  There’s only one Hero of the story.  Jesus.  Husband, be the hero of your wife’s story.  

Just as Jesus came to the rescue of His bride, the human husband is to be his wife’s hero and protector.  He’s to love her, protect her and nourish her with a self-sacrificial love.  In the movie “Saving Private Ryan,” the mission of the soldiers is to do everything possible to return Ryan alive, even at the cost of their own lives.  That’s the kind of protective care God calls husbands to practice toward their wives.  Jesus is THE ultimate example of THE ultimate sacrifice for a husband’s love of His wife.  As husband, I’m to be my bride’s servant/leader.  I’m to be her hero.  I’m to be protector.  I can’t let it go to my head.

This is the part where you jump in.  Do you agree?  Am I off base?  I would love to hear what you think.  Drop a comment below.

All the Married Ladies, All the Married Ladies

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph 5:22).

Before we dive in, I have a confession to make.  I remember going out to the local pond as a kid to play hockey.  We hoped that the ice was thick enough to hold a handful of us.  I kinda feel that way this morning as I type.  I’m hoping the ice will hold me.  Because I know it’s going to be thin!  As a married man, any discussion of this command from Paul is going to be awkward.  The big reason is that it is NOT for me!  He’s passing along God’s inspired instructions for our brides.  And the other perspective I bring is that I’m married to a VERY strong woman who obeys this instruction in an amazing way.  With all that said, let’s scoot a little further out onto the ice.

From his cell in a Roman slammer, Paul is telling the Ephesians what following Jesus looks like in marriage.  This is what it looks like when husbands and wives are “imitators of God” (Eph 5:1).  This is what it looks like when husbands and wives “walk in love” like Jesus (Eph 5:2).  This is what it looks like when husbands and wives “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8).  This is what it looks like when husbands and wives are “filled with the Spirit” (Eph 5:18).  

OK, let’s get it out there.  Let me stop tiptoeing around.  “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (v22).  There.  I did it.  Whew!  Any handling of this stick of scriptural dynamite must be seen in light of the previous verse.  It all begins when each of us are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:20).  I honestly think that while biblical translators have done a fantastic job over the centuries in bringing these ancient manuscripts into English, they didn’t help us here with the structure of the paragraphs.  You see, these original letters were on parchments so valuable that no space was wasted.  There was no punctuation.  There was no indentation.  There were no verse or chapter numbers.  Simply words crammed on a page.  The folks in Ephesus who read this wouldn’t see a new paragraph and heading like we do.  They saw the clear and powerful connection between our mutual submission out of our obedience and worship of Jesus as the foundation for the relationship between a wife and her husband.  Our willing self-sacrifice to one another is the foundation for all the instructions to come.  For wives.  For husbands.  For children.  For fathers.  For employees.  For employers.  We submit because of our obedience to Jesus.  We submit because He joyfully submitted to His Dad to come save us.

The first thing Paul does here is to make sure he has the attention of a particular audience.  “Wives” (v22).  This is the Greek noun gune.  It’s where we get our term gynecologist.  The word doesn’t describe just any female.  This is an adult woman of marital age.  Depending on the context of the verse, it can mean a wife or a female legally engaged to be married or even a widow.  Most of the time, gune is the generic term for any adult female in the New Testament.  Dr. Luke describes the amazing conversion of both “men and women (Gr. gune)” (Acts 5:14).  He also used it when talking about Zechariah’s wife Elizabeth (Lk 1:5).  The word centers around a woman and her marital status.  The general principle is that the lady is old enough to be married.  And in the first century, that’s probably around 13 years old.  So given the context, the apostle is talking to all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies.  No, here he’s addressing the women who have a ring on their finger.  He’s writing to all the married ladies, all the married ladies, all the married ladies, all the married ladies.

Now here’s the goofy thing about verse 22.  The word “submit” isn’t really here in the original text.  Say what?  It doesn’t just appear out of thin air using some sort of biblical hocus pocus.  This verse literally reads, “Wives, to your husbands, as to the Lord.”  You have to carry the verb from the previous verse (Eph 5:21).  Once again, that’s why the new paragraph that most of us see in our Bibles doesn’t help.  The idea of submission of a wife to her hubby begins with the mutual submission of the married couple to one another.  In 21^st century America, the “S” word is a dirty word.  But Paul is actually encouraging wives to voluntarily submit to their husband’s authority in the same way that Jesus related to His Dad.  

So just who are the wives to willingly cooperate with?  “To your own husbands” (v22).  Not the guy next door.  Not the dude at the drug store.  Not just any random man on the street.  “To your own husbands” (v22).  The term here is aner.  And just like the word for an adult woman we see here as “wives,” this describes a man old enough to be married.  It can be a husband.  It can be a male who is legally engaged.  It can be a widower.   The term distinguishes an adult guy from a boy.  Paul talks about his physical and emotional maturity into adulthood.  “When I became a man (Gr. aner), I gave up childish ways” (1Cor 13:11).  When Jesus fed the crowd, Mark counts only the 5,000 men (Gr. aner) Christ served at the miraculous seafood buffet (Mk 6:44).  Chances are there were between 15,000-20,000 people that ate that day.  And anytime aner appears along with gune, it most certainly implies husband and wife, as it does here.  So the apostle makes it clear here to wives that they are to voluntarily obey and submit to their husbands.  And again, that all goes back to a relationship of mutual submission between Christ-following spouses (Eph 5:21).  

Don’t blow past those last three words in this verse: “to the Lord” (v22).  Paul describes that wives are to willingly obey and cooperate with their husbands in the same way they willingly obey and cooperate to Jesus.  The wife’s submission isn’t the result of anything her hubby has done.  It’s because of who Jesus is and what He’s done.  The relationship between a married couple isn’t a quid pro quo, “if you’ll do this then I’ll do that” contractual agreement.  A marriage is a covenant.  A marriage is the commitment to one another DESPITE anything that happens.  Just like God’s covenant with His elect.  He loves us DESPITE who we are and what we do.  The husband could be a real knucklehead.  I know I certainly can be.  But the wife’s submission isn’t dependent on the husband’s worthiness of her obedience.  The wives’ willing cooperation to her husband and his sacrificial love for her is more like a beautiful dance than a contract with conditions.

Let’s also make something clear.  The obedience of the wife to her husband does NOT include sin.  This does NOT include any violation of God’s commands.  That’s NOT what Paul is talking about here at all!  If the husband tells his wife to do something that breaks commandments, then his wife’s submission is no longer in effect.

The apostle is doing two things in this passage (Eph 5:22-33).  First of all, he’s reminding us of God’s proper structure for marriage.  But just as importantly, he’s telling us that marriage is really a picture of something bigger, something grander.  Marriage is a shadow of Jesus’ relationship with His bride the church.  It’s not that the ladies are inferior and of little or no value.  Exactly the opposite.  Husbands are to sacrificially cherish, love and protect their wives just as Jesus did for His bride.

So did the ice eventually crack?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  I would love your thoughts.  Just drop a comment below and let's chat.