The One Woman Man

“the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination” (v6)

Once again, we come to another verse that gets churches and believers in a lather. Folks have used Paul’s instructions to Titus (as well as similar guidance to Timothy) to slam the door on divorced people serving as spiritual leaders in the church. According to many churches and denominations, the big D slaps a big L on your forehead. Can’t be an elder. Can’t be a pastor. Can’t be a leader. There’s just one little problem. That’s NOT what the apostle says. He’s talking about integrity. He’s talking about faithfulness. Faithfulness to spouse. Faithfulness to family. Ultimately, faithfulness to Jesus.

Paul begins his qualifications list with the most critical quality of all. Titus is to keep his eye out for men who are “above reproach” (v6). The rest of these qualities flow out of the idea of being guiltless, beyond suspicion, and with no hint of scandal. A huge part of being a man of integrity is what’s going on at home. In your marriage. In your family. Is he a loving and faithful husband? Is he a loving and faithful father?  You might wonder what in the world this has to do with being an elder or a pastor. Over in his first letter to his boy Tim, the apostle sums it up this way. “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1Tim 3:4-5). If you can’t lead your family, how can you lead your church?

Let’s get back to the original question on the table. If an elder is to be the “husband of one wife” (v6), does this mean he can’t be divorced? That certainly seems to be how the translators of the RSV see it. They render this as “married only once” (v6 RSV). The KJV, NKJV, NASB, and NIV all read “the husband of one wife” (v6). Let’s look a little closer at the original Greek text and see if we can’t find an answer. The phrase in question is mias gunaikos aner. One (mias). Woman (gunaikos). Man (aner). It literally says “one woman man” (v6). Chances are there’s a note at the bottom of the page of your Bible that tells you exactly that. It sure seems like if Paul wanted to make sure divorced folks couldn’t serve as elders and pastors, he would have made that clear. He didn’t. Jesus is looking for men of integrity and faithfulness to lead His church. Faithful husbands, faithful fathers, and faithful followers of Jesus.

Can we be clear about a couple of things? Divorce is awful. It devastates families. There’s no question that God absolute hates it (Mal 2:16). It rips apart two people who have become one flesh (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:5). Jesus went out of His way to warn folks to not tear apart something like a husband and wife which God has joined together (Mt 19:6). Divorce rips apart families. The emotional and psychological damage it does breaks our heavenly Dad’s heart. God doesn’t like it but He allows it in certain cases (Mt 19:8). The Lord still hates it. Can He and will He forgive someone who divorces their spouse? Simply, yes. There’s only one unpardonable sin. That’s rejecting Jesus’ offer of salvation (Mt 12:31). His grace and mercy are more than capable of covering a divorce. Paul spends a good bit his first letter to his Corinthian friends talking about marriage, divorce, and remarriage (1Cor 7). Yup, you read that right. REmarriage.

God calls all married men (not just elders and pastors) to be faithful husbands. If you’re married, this means no girlfriends. No “work wives.” No emotional affairs. No online chats with women to whom you’re not married. If you’re married, you’re a “one woman man” (v6). Solomon had important advice for his son. “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away” (Prov 6:32-33). He should know, his mother and dad hooked up as the result of an affair.

There’s another elephant in the room that we need to talk about. Yeah, I’m talking about porn. As husbands, we’re to find our sexual satisfaction in our marriage. Prowling around the web for hot chicks is not simply window shopping. Jesus went so far as to say that looking at women other than your wife is the same thing as sleeping with her (Mt 5:27-28). That includes online porn sites, skin flicks, and so-called “gentlemen’s clubs.” Take Job’s advice and make a covenant with your eyes to avoid looking at stuff that gets you hot and bothered (Job 31:1). The married man of God is to enjoy a healthy sex life with his wife. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe, Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:16-19). For further “instruction,” check out the Song of Solomon. It’s some of the hottest stuff you’ll read anywhere.

God is looking for a faithful men to lead. Faithful husbands to serve their wives. Faithful fathers to serve their kids. Faithful followers to serve their Savior. Faithful elders and pastors to serve His church. He’s looking for a “one woman man” (v6).