Bad Dads

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 5:4).

Hey Dad, stop ticking off your kids!  How many times have you seen it?  How many times have you DONE it?  Dad rolls in from work or a long road trip and tries to reestablish his tight-fisted control of the home.  The king has returned to the castle.  He walks through the door and starts barking orders at his kids.  Chaos and rebellion ensue.  Paul tells dads that this is NOT how it’s supposed to go down in the home of a Christ follower.  “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (v4).  Stop aggravating the kids and start lovingly educating them.  Don’t yell at your children.  Teach them.  Don’t be a bad dad.

The command begins by telling dads what not to do.  Don’t “provoke” your kids.  This is the Greek verb parorgizo, which means to make angry, exasperate or irritate.  The form of the word emphasizes the long lasting nature of the frustration.  This isn’t just a one time tick off.  This is an ongoing anger.  It’s deep and long lasting.  It can’t be smoothed over easily.  This verb emphasizes how a bad dad has terrorized his children over the long haul.  Are you loving dad or a dominating dictator?  Do your kids run to you or from you when you get home?  WAY too often, dad is a despot who rules with an iron fist.  The apostle says that’s no way to use the authority and responsibility that God graciously has given you.  Over in Colossians, the companion letter to Ephesians, Paul drops an incredibly similar word to dads.  “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col 3:21).  Stop infuriating your kids.  Stop irritating your kids.  Stop exasperating your kids.  I love the Amplified’s take here.  “Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment]” (v4a AMP).  Don’t be a bad dad.

So what DO you do instead?  Paul doesn’t leave you hanging.  He tells dads to “bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord” (v4).  In the original text we see the term ektrepho.  It means to nourish, nurture, bring up or raise.  The only other time this word is used in the entire Bible is just up the page.  Paul talks about how Jesus lovingly “nourishes (Gr. ektrepho) and cherishes” His church (Eph 5:29).  Instead of ruling with a heavy hand, God calls BOTH parents to nourish and nurture their kids.  This does NOT mean to avoid corporal punishment.  But it should be the exception rather than the rule.  Or in the words of The Message, “Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master” (v4b The Message).

The only way to teach them “the way of the Master” is to through “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (v4).  If you’re not sure, he’s talking about the Bible.  The apostle is urging both parents to be fully involved in the systematic instruction of kids in God’s Word.  Yeah, I know.  Family devotions are a struggle.  They were for me and my family.    And look for opportunities to apply Scripture in regular family life.  Quote it.  Post it on the fridge.  Soak your family in it.  It won’t be good for just your kids.  It will be good for mom and dad too.

Paul says that the key nutrients for nourishing your kids are “discipline” (Gr. paedeia) and “instruction” (Gr. nouthesia).  The first of the two is the nurture and instruction involved in broad training of a child for general education.  The writer of Hebrews uses paedeia six times in seven verse of Hebrews 12.  In this passage, we see how our heavenly Dad lovingly instructs and “disciplines the one He loves” (Heb 12:6).  God is not like the disconnected or distant dad that ignores his children.  He’s fully involved in their care and instruction.  The main textbook for the education of our kids should be Scripture.  God’s Word is “profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training (Gr. paedeia) in righteousness” (2Tim 3:16).  The second term is nouthesia, which brings the idea of correction or warning.  They need to know limits and boundaries for their own good.  All of the stumbles and sins of the Israelites “were written down for our instruction (Gr. nouthesia)” so we would avoid the same potholes (1Cor 10:11).  Paul tells his boy Titus that after two warnings (Gr. nouthesia) troublemakers in the church should get the boot on their third strike (Titus 3:10).  Our kids not only need to know what to do but what NOT to do.  That means telling them why they shouldn’t do something.  Discipline and instruction.

While Paul is writing to dads, this warning is clearly for both parents.  This goes just as much for moms too.  And this is all about finding a godly balance as parents.  Some parents are too harsh and too stern.  Some are too hands off.  I’m more often guilty of the second.  God is calling moms and dads to be not just tender and nurturing but fully involved in the spiritual growth of their children.  We can’t convert our kids but we can prepare their hearts for what God’s Spirit can do.  Matt Chandler describes this as stacking kindling in their lives.  We continually tell them about God’s goodness.  We continually tell them about Jesus and His love for them.  When God’s fire falls on them, they’ll ignite in a big way!

Confession time.  I'm FAR from the perfect dad.  I'm still learning.  Would love to hear what you believe Paul is telling us about fatherhood.  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

Children's Church

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Eph 6:1-3).

It’s time for children’s church.  In most churches, that’s when parents drop their kids off for their very own time of worship.  In other places, it’s that special time in the service where the pastor calls all the kids forward to explain a Bible story in very simple terms.  I’ve gotta be honest.  I’ve been in services where that’s the only sermon I’ve been able to understand and apply.  But here in his letter to his friends in Ephesus, Paul does his own edition of children’s church.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (v1-3).  The apostle talks directly to the kids in the crowd.  He flips back to the Ten Commandments, as well as throwing in a little commentary to boot.  Reminds me of some of my experiences as a adult witnessing children’s church.  It’s a sermon that I can actually understand and apply!

Paul addresses kids in his letter to Ephesus.  This note was to be read out loud in church when it arrived.  Children in the Ephesian church apparently weren’t hustled off and segregated for their own separate service.  Kids were a big part of big church.  I’m not saying that this has to be how you do things where you worship.  But this is a reminder to regularly include kids in corporate gatherings.  Too many teens leave church after they head off to college.  I realize there are lots of reasons for it.  Shoot, I did it too!  But let’s not continually provide exits from the road to our worship services.  We should encourage our kids to be a vital part of what God is doing in our church by including them.

The command here is for children to “obey your parents” (v1).  The apostle uses the Greek verb hupakouo.  It means to be ready and willing to respond when called.  Like answering the door.  There’s a readiness to this kind of obedience.  There’s a willingness to this kind of obedience.  There’s NOT a heavy sigh when mom tells you something.  There’s NOT a roll of the eyes when dad tells you something.  Since Paul wrote to the Colossians at the same time dealing with lots of the same issues, these two notes have tons in common.  This kiddie command is one of them.  “Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord” (Col 3:20).

So should children blindly obey their parents no matter what?  Hey, as kids, we’re always looking for loopholes, aren’t we?  While Paul doesn’t mention any in either of his letters to Ephesus and Colossae, Jesus tells us there is one very important exception.  When a child knows for certain that a parent’s wishes fly in the face of God’s Word, they are to do what their heavenly Dad tells them to do.  Following Jesus is going to split families (Lk 12:51-53).  This is a powerful reminder to moms and dads that we need to know God’s Word and expect our kids to follow Jesus at all costs.

The parent/child relationship is one of the Bible’s megathemes.  That’s one reason that Paul hangs this particular command on what God told Moses on Mount Sinai.  When the Great I Am handed Moses His Top Ten, this is the very first law that dealt with human relationships (Ex 20:12; Dt 5:16).  This is the only one of the Ten Commandments which deals with relationships in the family.  When observed, this would be the foundation for the proper function in the home between parents and their kids.  The wisest person to ever live (other than Jesus!) was King Solomon (1Ki 3:12).  Sol wrote an entire instruction manual for his son that we call Proverbs (Prov 1:8).  This book is slammed with commands of obedience for kids.  “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Prov 6:20).  And the king made sure his boy knew that this was a lifelong relationship of respect.  “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old” (Prov 23:22).

Here in New Testament Greek we read the command from Old Testament Hebrew.  Kids are to “‘honor your father and mother’” (v2).  To honor is the verb timao.  It means to place a great value on something or hold it precious and dear.  This term can literally mean to set a price for something.  For instance, the Sanhedrin and Judas negotiated about betraying Jesus “on Whom a price had been set (Gr. timao)” of 30 silver coins (Mt 27:9).  Children of all ages are to count their mothers and fathers of great value.  This would certainly seem to letting adult kids know that God wants them to provide financially for their aging parents.  

Once again, Jesus is our gold standard and ultimate example.  He made it clear that He came to do what His Dad wanted.  “I always do the things that are pleasing to Him” (Jn 8:29).  Paul quotes one of the earliest praise and worship tunes that says Jesus’ submission to His Father led to Calvary.  “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:8).  That doesn’t mean our Savior was some robotic automaton that blindly obeyed like one of the Stepford wives.  The night before His execution, Jesus wrestled with His Dad in prayer about what was about to go down.  Eventually, Christ knew that this was exactly what His Father sent Him to do.  “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Mt 26:39).  This is the ultimate example of the obedience of a child to a parent.  While kids are to show great honor and respect to their mom and dad, our love and passion for Jesus is to dwarf our relationship with our parents (Lk 14:26). 

Kids living at home should be in willing submission to their their parents.  God has placed their mom and dad over them in authority.  This is God’s design and it is right and correct.  Ultimately, this sets the standard for submission to all authority in society.  To bosses.  To government.  To leaders in the church.  But come on, kids obeying their folks can’t be that important, can it?  Well, you might want to check this out.  Willing obedience to mom and dad is such a big deal that the breaking of command was a big part of God’s exile of His people into Babylonian captivity (Ezek 22:7, 15).

Paul drops a little commentary into the Fifth Commandment.  “This is the first commandment with a promise” (v2).  Most of our Bibles use parentheses around this phrase.  That’s because it’s not there in the original Top Ten.  But it’s an important point to remember for a couple of reasons.  God did make that promise to the children of Israel.  They were on the way to the Promised Land.  Once they rolled into the land of milk and honey, He pledged to give those obedient kids a long life.  And don’t miss the point that the apostle links a promise Yahweh made to His covenant people to non-Jewish kids living in Ephesus.  One thing for sure, God clearly continues His pledge to bless boys and girls who lovingly obey and honor their folks.

What is Paul NOT saying?  He’s NOT saying that adult children must still obey their parents forever.  Just a couple of sentences earlier, he dropped that “leave and cleave” reference from the very first wedding in Genesis.  Remember, when a man and woman get married, the groom “shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:31).  Seems pretty darn clear here that the new couple’s new priority is their own relationship.  Elsewhere, the apostle tells the Corinthians that when he was a kid, he acted that way.  But now that he’s matured, he “gave up childish ways” (1Cor 13:11-12).  

Here’s the deal.  There’s a time to grow up and move away from home.  There’s a time to cut the apron strings.  There’s a time to step into manhood.  There’s a time to step in womanhood.  That does NOT mean we’re to turn our backs on our parents.  What used to be commands to willingly obey becomes advice to strongly consider.  We’re to honor them for as long as they live.  Respect them.  Value them.  Cherish them.

What do you think?  Agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

We Now Return You to Your Regular Progam

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph 5:33).

“We interrupt this program to bring you this special report.”  How many times have you been watching your favorite show or catching the big game when this happens?  News breaks and the network or local station cuts in to bring you up to date.  Here in verse 33, Paul breaks into his instructions to married men to bring us up to date on Jesus’ relationship with His church.  “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (v33).  From his prison cell in Rome, the apostle applies his teaching about Jesus to Christian marriage.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch.  

We now return you to your regular program.

We get this idea from the very first word in this sentence: “However” (v33).  In the original Greek text we see the conjunction plen.  It means yet, in any case, nevertheless, rather or moreover.  In other words, it’s a way of bringing things back to the original discussion.  Consider the previous section kind of like an aside.  A parenthetical comment.  That’s NOT to say it’s not important.  It’s a rabbit trail.  A very important rabbit trail.  A Holy Spirit inspired rabbit trail.  But a rabbit trail nonetheless.

Most of Paul’s discussion about how husbands should treat their wives is actually about how the Perfect Husband treats His bride (Eph 5:25-32).  Jesus lovingly sacrificed Himself for His church (Eph 5:25).  He’s washing her perfectly in a Bible bath and getting her ready for the big day (Eph 5:26-27).  He’s caring and pampering for His bride as her Hero and Protector (Eph 5:29).  As followers of Jesus, we’re each intimately connected to Him and each other (Eph 5:30).  And while no one knew it at the time, the first wedding in Eden was a picture of Christ’s marriage to His church (Eph 5:31-32).  At this point, Paul returns us back to our regular program.  After his discussion of Jesus and His bride, he gets back to his original point of how the husband and wife should relate.  

We now return you to your regular program.

First, Paul addresses “each one of you” (v33).  The “you” he’s talking to are the “husbands” back in verse 25.  If you’re wondering which husbands need to follow this command, that would be “each one of you” (v33).  Are you a married man who follows Jesus?  OK, good.  Listen up.  Pay attention.  Yeah, he’s talking to you.  And me.  He’s about to apply all of the stuff he just told us about Jesus’ relationship with His wife.  Ready?  Drum roll, please...

The husband is to “love his wife as himself” (v33).  This is the fourth and final time the apostle tells us hard-headed hubbies to get busy and love our brides.  First in verse 25.  Twice in verse 28.  Now one last time in verse 33.  Love your wife, homey!  Got it?  Got it!  Once again, Paul uses the Greek verb agapao, the kissin’ cousin to agape.  This means to sacrificially show and prove one’s love to another, to love based on choice, will and action.  It’s demonstrating an extreme high regard for someone by what is actually done.  In Greek literature outside of the Bible, agapao means to treat with great affection and even to caress.  This is a love that is so much more than a warm fuzzy that is never expressed.  This love has legs.  It gets going.  This love has hands.  This love does.  It’s love in action.  When someone is on the receiving end of agapao, they know it because something is done to them or for them.

Because a married couple has truly be joined together as one with God’s supernatural Super Glue, they are one intimate unit.  You can’t pull them apart.  It’s almost the opposite of when a single tiny cell splits in two during mitosis.  When God gets involved in a marriage, two become one.  1+1=1.  This isn’t a joint venture.  Two actually become one.  Because of this divine transformation, when a husband does things to express his love for his bride, he’s actually loving himself.

Now Paul turns back to all the married ladies.  This is where this couples therapy began.  Previously, the apostle tells wives to “submit to your own husbands” as an act of worship to Jesus (Eph 5:22).  This is the idea of loving cooperation and willing obedience to the husband’s leadership.  This does NOT mean she’s a doormat.  This does NOT mean she’s a slave.  This means she’s fully involved in the marriage, providing input to every key decision.  Now in verse 33, the apostle gives us another thought on what that looks like.  “Let the wife see that she respects her husband” (v33).  The Amplified Bible does a fabulous job of giving us a 360 degree look at this idea.  “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]” (v33 AMP).  Read that again.  Let that soak in.  

The husband is to love.  The wife is to respect.  This isn’t just some random thought Paul had after being alone too long in slammer.  Under the guidance of the God’s Spirit, he’s telling each spouse to give their partner what they need the most.  God has wired the woman to need loving care.  She needs to be cherished.  She needs a hero.  She needs a protector.  That’s her husband.  God has wired men to need to be held in high regard.  He needs a cheerleader.  He needs an encourager.  That’s his wife.  That’s the key idea behind Eggerich’s book “Love and Respect.”  So as the apostle returns us to our regular program here, he sums it all up.  Married men, show your bride love in action.  Married women, respect and praise your man.

We now return you to your regular program.

Well, now it's your turn.  What do you think?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  I would love to hear what you think.  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

Krazy Glue Faith

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32).

Anytime I start messing around Krazy Glue, I’m in big trouble.  First of all, it means I’ve broken something important (probably something that belongs to my wife!).  But things get really sticky (pun VERY much intended) when I take the cap off that tiny tube.  No matter how careful I am, the glue goes everywhere EXCEPT WHERE I NEED IT TO GO!  My hands. The counter.  The wall.  The dog (Sorry, Spiffy).  The only place it’s not is on what I’m trying to fix.  Paul says that when Jesus opens up a tube of His supernatural Krazy Glue, He knows exactly how to use it.  It’s what He uses to join a husband and wife.  It’s what He uses to join Himself to His church.  “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (v31-32).  These relationships are permanent.  

That’s Krazy Glue faith.

Let’s back up just a bit for a little perspective.  Paul pops this crazy idea about Krazy Glue faith as he wraps up his picture of human marriage.  He’s writing to his friends in Ephesus about what it looks like to be “imitators of God” (Eph 5:1).  To “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8).  To “be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Eph 5:18).  Any discussion of the relationship between a Christ following couple begins with their mutual submission and obedience to Jesus (Eph 5:21).  As he paints the picture of human marriage, he continually refers back to the wedding picture of Jesus and His bride.  The wife is to lovingly obey and respect her hubby just like the church does Christ (Eph 5:22, 24, 33).  The husband is to love his wife in the same sacrificial way that Jesus loves His church (Eph 5:25).  Our Savior loves His bride by tenderly giving her everything she needs,  nourishing and cherishing her (Eph 5:26-27, 29).  The apostle talks about the supernatural union between married couples (Eph 5:28).  They are so closely joined that when the man cares for his wife, he actually cares for his own body. 

Suddenly Paul flips back the pages of history to drop a quote from Genesis.  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (v31; Gen 2:24).  Moses, the writer of Genesis, makes this divinely inspired observation just as the first wedding concluded.  God had just pronounced them as husband and wife when Mo made this statement about what all matrimony means.  The man from Tarsus reaffirms God’s original design for marriage.  One man.  One woman.  One flesh.  Intimate.  Unbreakable.  

The Lord hasn't used paste from preschool to put this together.  This is supernatural Super Glue.  When the apostle writes “hold fast,” he uses the Greek verb proskallao.  It means to glue or cement together permanently, stick to something or fasten firmly.  Jesus talked about His spiritual glue that holds married couples together when He busted the Pharisees chops over divorce (Mt 19:5; Mk 10:7).  As a matter of fact, He quotes this same verse from Genesis.  The only other time we see the term is when Paul’s mentor Gamaliel reminds the Sanhedrin about the time Theudas falsely claimed to be Messiah “and about 400 joined (Gr. proskallao) him” (Acts 5:36).

It’s because of the intimate and permanent nature of the marriage relationship that God has such strong feelings about divorce.  It absolutely breaks His heart (Mal 2:14-16).  He hates it because it flies in the face of His original design.  He hates it because of the horrible pain it causes couples who pull apart what He’s made into one.  He hates it because of the damage it does to His image bearers.  He doesn’t sanction it but He does begrudgingly allow it (Mt 19:5-9).  But let’s be VERY clear.  While, God may absolutely abhor divorce, it is NOT the unforgivable sin.  If you’re divorced, Jesus is waiting right there with His grace and forgiveness.  He’s a much better Savior than I am a sinner.  That includes divorce.

Paul goes on to say God’s supernatural Super Glue that sticks husbands and wives together is a picture of something far greater.  “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Jesus and the church” (v32).  In other words, everything that the apostle has just said about marriage is actually found to be perfectly true in the relationship between Christ and His bride.  He uses the term “mystery” (v32).  He’s not talking about some sort of complicated puzzle that can’t be solved.  The Greek word musterion means some reality hidden in the past that is later revealed.  This was a mystery because it was completely unknown until God revealed it through Jesus and the writers of the New Testament.  Before the Son of Man made His search and rescue mission to earth, no one had the faintest clue about this deal we call the church.  It’s one of the great unfolding revelations throughout the NT.  Jesus calls it His and promises to build it (Mt 16:18).  First century folks are freaking out about the inclusion of non-Jews into it (Acts 15; Eph 3:4-5).  Nobody among the the OT prophets saw this coming.  And it’s not just a garden variety secret but something “profound” (v32).  This is the word megas.  The relationship between Jesus and His bride is a mega-mystery!    

Human marriage is a reflection of the beautiful and glorious union between Jesus and His bride, the church.  Sadly, marriage between a husband and wife may not be so sticky.  But Jesus faithfulness to His bride will never fail.  It will never falter.  It never waver.  Christ is in it for the long haul.  He’s in it for eternity.  He’s made a covenant commitment to the church that nothing can break.  When Jesus says He’s going to do something, you can take that to the bank.  We might jack it up.  As a matter of fact, we WILL jack it up.  But He’s completely and absolutely steadfast in His dedication to His church.  “If we are faithless, He remains faithful” (2Tim 2:13).  

That’s Krazy Glue Faith.

What a GREAT reminder of the Gospel!  We place our trust in the One who’s faith never flinched even at the darkest hour.  We place our trust in the One whose faith will never, EVER fail.  We place our trust in the One who lived the perfect life when we completely failed.  We place our trust in the One who died the death for our sin and disobedience that we certainly should have died.  We place our trust in the One who rose to a spectacular new life that we in no way deserve.  This is NOT about the strength of my faith.  This about the strength of the One in whom I place my faith.  Nothing can ever pry me from the love of Christ (Rom 8:38-39).  How could it be up to us when “He chose us before the foundation of the world” (Eph 1:4)?  Some smart dudes call this the “preservation of the saints.”  It’s where we get the idea of “once saved, always saved.”  I prefer to think about it as “IF saved, always saved.”  Why in the world would Jesus do it?  It’s mega-mystery!

That’s Krazy Glue Faith.

So what do we do with this?  We need to understand just how seriously God sees marriage.  It’s a big deal.  I mean a VERY big deal!  He joins brides and grooms together with a supernatural and eternal bond.  It’s meant to be permanent.  It’s meant to be intimate.  To pull it apart is going to cause a lot of pain and damage.  And we need to remember that human marriage is a picture of the greatest marriage.  Jesus and His church.  I bring glory and honor to Christ by honoring my own marriage.  I toss mud on the wedding gown Jesus’ bride by treating my marriage with contempt.  As husbands and wives, let’s remember the supernatural Super Glue that God has used to put us together.  Let’s lean on His Krazy Glue Faith.

So what do you think?  Agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

Body Parts

...because we are members of His body (Eph 5:30).

For years I drove past a business with a very curious sign.  “Roberts Wholesale Body Parts.”  My imagination ran wild every time I road by.  What in the world is inside that place?  I pictured shelves of dismembered arms, hands, legs and feet.  I envisioned boxes of ears, eyes, noses and toeses.  Was Mr. Roberts some sort of a middle man supplying a modern day Dr. Frankenstein?  OK, I’m just a bit twisted.  Most folks probably realized that this business was related to the junk yard across the road.  These body parts were car parts.  But not me.  This mysterious metal building had to be full of body parts.  Right?  Right?!?!

So what in the world does this have to do with Ephesians?  The Apostle Paul reminds us here that as followers of Jesus we’re body parts in the body of Christ.  The Lord pampers and feeds us “because we are members of His body” (v30).  Wait a sec!  Wasn’t man from Tarsus in the middle of telling married men how to love and lead their wives?  Suddenly there’s this dismembered mention of body parts.  It makes perfect sense when we back up and realize that he’s writing about the relationship between Jesus and His bride and how human husbands relate to their wives.  There’s such an intimacy between Christ and His church that they are actually one person and one flesh.   We’re “members of His body” (v30).  We’re body parts.

Paul drops the term “members” (v30) by using the Greek word melos.  This describes a limb, a human body part or generally one part of a larger whole.  Jesus uses it when talking about lopping off or poking out any body part that causes you to sin.  “It is better that you lose one of your members (Gr. melos) than that your whole body be thrown into hell” (Mt 5:29-30).  Since we’re body parts in the body of Christ, it’s easy to see how this 

has come to mean one person in a Christian community.  A huge part of the apostle’s point is to realize that I’m not flying solo.  I’m only complete when I’m part of the whole.  I must remember that I’m a member.  

His purpose for reminding the Ephesians that they are body parts is because of the false teaching that’s tearing the body of Christ limb from limb just down the road in Colossae.  A team of spiritual hucksters have duped followers of Jesus into believing a false gospel of self-salvation.  According to these snake oil salesmen, Christ might be able to get you into God’s kingdom but He can’t keep you there.  We need to keep saving ourselves.  And wouldn’t you know it, they have just the list of religious rules to follow so we can do just that (Col 2:16, 18, 21-23).  After setting the Colossians straight, Paul writes to the Ephesians just 100 miles down the road.  He knows that heresy dismembers.  Trying to save myself takes my eyes off of Jesus and everyone else around me.  

I need to remember that I’m not flying solo.  I’m only complete when I’m part of the whole.  I’m complete when I’m part of the body.  His body.  There are no Lone Rangers in the body of Jesus.  Our enemy is licking his satanic chops for one of us to wander off.  He loves to get us alone.  That happens when I try to do it all on my own.  I must remember that I’m a member or I’ll be dismembered.  And Satan just loves to sink his teeth into severed body parts.

We’re not just members of any body.  We’re members of HIS body.  Jesus’ body.  Paul uses the Greek word soma.  It can mean the physical body of humans or animals or a group of people closely united for a single cause.  The apostle tells the folks in Rome that each one of the body parts has a unique role in the church.  “For as in one body (Gr. soma) we have many members (Gr. melos), and the members (Gr. melos) do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body (Gr. soma) in Christ, and individually members (Gr. melos) of one another” (Rom 12:4-5).  And because we’re part of Jesus’ body, we need to be VERY careful what we do.  “Do you not know that your bodies (Gr. soma) are members (Gr. melos) of Christ?  Shall I then take the members (Gr. melos) of Christ and make them members (Gr. melos) of a prostitute?  Never!” (1Cor 6:15).  We’re members of HIS body.  Jesus’ body.

Paul doesn’t say that we WILL be members of the body of Christ.  He clearly says that we ARE members RIGHT NOW.  This is not a pipe dream.  This isn’t something that happens on the other side of eternity.  This is a present reality.  This is right now.  In the words of the great theologian Brent Musburger, “You’re looking LIVE!”  We’re members of Jesus’ body once we place our trust in Him.  

We’re body parts.  Jesus’ body parts.

OK, this is your part.  I'd love to hear from you.  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

A Safe Place to Fall

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church (Eph 5:29).

Two thousand years before Dr. Phil wrote his “Relationship Rescue,” the Apostle Paul was dishing out wise marriage advice.  He instructs married men that the key to a fantastic relationship is following Jesus’ example in how He treats His bride.  “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (v29).  Check out those two tender terms.  “Nourishes.”  “Cherishes.”  These are absolutely essential duties that a husband must perform for his wife.  He must nurture her over an extended period of time.  He must provide her tender care.  Dr. Phil calls this “a safe place to fall.”  I think that’s a great way to understand what a husband provides for his wife.  Men, do you nourish your bride?  Does your wife know that you’re giving her everything she needs emotionally, physically and spiritually?  Do you cherish your wife?  Does she believe that she’s safe and secure in your arms?  Are you a safe place to fall?  Oops!  Hit a little too close to home?  Well, there I go meddlin’ again.

Paul begins by saying that “no one every hated his own flesh” (v29).  This is a follow up to his statement that the best way for a husband to love himself is to love his wife (Eph 5:28).  That’s because something happens between men and when when they are intimate.  Emotionally intimate.  Spiritually intimate.  Physically intimate.  They become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:30-31).  A married couple is more than a joint venture.  Husband+wife=one.  1+1=1.  As a result, the husband doesn’t despise his body that now includes his bride.  The apostle uses the verb miseo.  It means to detest, despise, strongly dislike, reject and abhor.  It’s how Jesus describes choosing between two masters.  You can’t obey both.  “For either he will hate (Gr. miseo) the one and love the other” (Mt 6:24; Lk 16:13).  The hubby is to understand that his wife is just as much a part of him as his own leg.  And he certainly doesn’t hate his own leg.

Instead, the husband “nourishes” his bride.  This is the Greek verb ektrepho, which means to nurture, raise, rear and bring to maturity.  It also describes feeding over a considerable period of time.  Think of buying a meal plan for college.  This isn’t hitting a drive-through.  It’s providing nourishment meal after meal, day after day, year after year.  The word only appears twice in the Bible.  And both of them are here in Ephesians!  Paul uses the same word later when he tells dads to stop frustrating their kids and “bring them up (Gr. miseo) in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4).  It’s a cool picture of nourishing our children in following Jesus.  It might mean eating their vegetables.  As a husband in his marriage, you provide what’s necessary to your wife for her growth and maturity.  Again, this isn’t a one-time thing.  You don’t check this one off your “to do” list with a date night at a nice restaurant.  You nurture her day after day.  

The married man “cherishes” his bride.  Here we see the verb thalpo.  This term means to keep warm, care for and foster with tenderness.  It literally can mean to warm by a fire.  As before, we only see it used twice in the New Testament.  “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care (Gr. thalpo) of her own children” (1Th 2:7).  Husbands are commanded to provide comfort and security to their wives.  Think of snuggling under a blanket in front of a crackling fire after she’s had a tough day.  This may even involve watching some sort of chick flick instead Sunday Night Football.  Suck it up, boys.  It’s NOT about you!  This is about cherishing your wife.  This is about giving her a safe place to fall.

Husbands do this because it’s what Jesus does.  We are to cherish and nourish our wives “as Christ does the church” (v29).  His marriage and relationship with His bride is the picture of the perfect husband.  During these commands to married couples (Eph 5:22-33), Paul continually points back to Christ’s loving care for His church as our ultimate example.  The husband’s love for his wife is to be the very same self-sacrifice as when “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).  Jesus draws His bride a Bible bath “through the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:26).  The Lord is fully involved with prepping His future wife for the wedding so that she’ll be absolutely spectacular on the big day (Eph 5:27).  And just in case I’m so thick that I miss it, he grabs me by the ears and looks me in the eye to say, “I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:32).

Jesus nourishes His bride.  He continually and lovingly gives His church what’s best.  And He protects and tenderly cares for His church.  That’s the picture for husbands.  This does NOT make us the hard-hearted enforcers of her submission.  It’s about being her hero just as Jesus came to rescue His church.  Nourish your wife.  Cherish your wife.  Give her a safe place to fall.

Guys, do you make sure your wife has a soft place to land?  Ladies, does your husband cherish and nourish you?  I'd love to hear from you.  Drop a comment below.

Love Your Wife=Love Yourself

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself (Eph 5:28).

Each year I go visit my doctor and get a physical.  I need to know how my body is doing.  I need to know if there’s anything wrong.  I need that outside opinion.  I need that expert opinion.  Well, there’s another way I can check on my spiritual and emotional health.  That’s by taking a look at my wife.  God says that since we’re married, we’re one.  To care for my wife is to care for myself.  To care for myself is to care for my wife.  “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself” (v28).

Love your wife=Love yourself.

Here are two of the four times in this letter to the Ephesians that Paul tells married men to love their wives.  He did it earlier as he compared that to how Jesus loved His church through self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25).  And he’ll do it one more time as he wraps things up (Eph 5:33).  Clearly he understands the thick skulls of the husbands he’s talking to.  Hey guys, love your wives.  Love your wives.  Love your wives!  LOVE YOUR WIVES!!!  Not once.  Not twice.  Not even three times.  The apostle pounds the nail four stinkin’ times.  Hopefully, he has our attention.  Hey, fellas, love your wives.  Got it?  Good.

The interesting thing is that most of this picture of a husband’s love for his wife is actually a beautiful portrait of Jesus’ love for His bride, the church.  Christ loves her by living a life of self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25).  He loves her by continually washing her in His Word and giving her a Bible bath (Eph 5:26).  He loves her by playing an active role in their wedding preps to the point that jaws drop when she’s about to walk down the aisle (Eph 5:27).  Our marriage isn’t a picture of His marriage.  It’s the other way around.  Jesus’ loving relationship with His church is the perfect example of what my marriage should look like.  That’s exactly Paul’s point as he turns the focus from Christ’s marriage to mine.  I’m to love my wife “in the same way” (v28).  He’s the gold standard of grooms.  No one will ever live up to how Jesus has loved and will love His bride.  But that’s my goal.  “In the same way” (v28).  

“Husbands should love their wives” (v28).  The command here is actually a little different grammatically.  Paul uses the verb “should.”  This is the Greek word otheilo.  It actually means to owe what is due.  When the apostle wrote to his buddy Phil about his runaway slave Onesimus, he promised to pay back anything he may have stolen.  “If he has wronged you at all, or owes (Gr. otheilo) you anything, charge that to my account” (Phm 18).  You can also translate this word as ought, must, to be under obligation, duty bound, to be necessary or indispensable.  As a husband, I owe it to my wife to love her.  But my debt isn’t due because of something she’s done.  I owe it to my bride because of what Jesus has done.  I owe it to my wife because we have a covenant, not a contract.  A contract indicates some sort of deal with very specific terms.  If you do this, I promise to do that.  If one party fails to fulfill, the other is off the hook.  That’s a contract.  But marriage is a covenant.  That’s a pledge to do something no matter what.  It’s a promise without conditions.  It’s unconditional love.  I owe it to my wife to love her no matter what.  

Over in his letter to his crew in Rome, Paul combines the idea of being in debt and being in love. “Owe (Gr. otheilo) no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (Rom 13:8).  Be debt free except when it comes to love.  After Jesus washed His disciples’ filthy feet, He told them, “You also ought (Gr. otheilo) to wash one another’s feet” (Jn 13:14).  Moments later, Christ connected the dots between love and ought.  “Love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:34-35).  As the husband, you owe it to your wife to love her.

This is a powerful reminder of what Christ-like love is all about.  Agape.  It’s so much more than a warm fuzzy feeling toward someone else.  It’s love in action.  It’s love with legs.  It’s love that does.  It’s love on the move.  If you love someone, you do for them.  You don’t simply telepathically send them positive vibes.  You love by doing.  That’s how Jesus loved us.  That’s how husbands are to love their wives.

The husband should take care of his bride with the same devotion that he cares for himself.  There’s a subtle reminder here that God expects us to keep our bodies in good physical shape.  Keep an eye on your weight.  Get regular exercise.  Eat healthy foods.  Make sure you get plenty of rest.  We really must take great care of the temple of the Holy Spirit (1Cor 6:19).  It goes without saying that followers of Jesus should take care of themselves physically.  Our body is just one of several things He’s given us to steward and maximize on this side of eternity.    

Once a man is married, he’s responsible to care not only for his body but the body of his new bride as well.  MacArthur calls this “one of the most poignant and compelling descriptions of the oneness that should characterize Christian marriage.”  Paul is about to refresh us on what God said to Adam and Eve at the first wedding (Eph 5:31; Gen 2:24).  Once the husband and wife are married, they are “one flesh.”  One flesh emotionally.  One flesh physically.  One flesh spiritually.  That’s the reason behind this command.  The best way for a husband to love himself is to actually love his wife.  Because they are one flesh.

So if you want to know how you’re doing physically, emotionally and spiritually, take a look at your wife.  If you’re loving her as Jesus loves His bride, she’s in tip top shape.  To steal a phrase from Vidal Sassoon, if she doesn’t look good, you don’t look good.  You are one flesh.  Men, love your wives as you would love your own body.  

Love your wife=Love yourself.

This where you jump in.  Do you agree?  Do you disagree?  One way or the other, I would really love to hear from you.  Drop a comment below and we'll chat.

Here Comes the Bride!

...so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish (Eph 5:27).

The organist pounds out the opening strains of the wedding march.  The congregation rises in unison.  The bride appears at the back of the church escorted by her father.  While the folks on both sides of the aisle utter the appropriate “oohs” and “aahs" when they see her, there’s one person in the sanctuary who is absolutely blown away.  It’s the groom.  When her husband-to-be takes one look at his bride all dressed in her glorious white gown, his jaw hits the floor.  Here in this section of Ephesians, Paul invites his readers to flip open the wedding album.  These are the pictures from the greatest wedding the universe will ever see: Jesus and His church.  Unlike most grooms, Christ has been intimately involved in prepping His bride, “so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (v27).  

Here comes the bride!

For the past few verses, the Apostle Paul has given his friends in Ephesus a picture of marriage between disciples of Jesus.  What it looks like to “be imitators of God” (Eph 5:1) in a marriage.  This is what it means to “walk in love” like Jesus (Eph 5:2) with our spouse.  This is what it looks like when a wife and husband are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).    First he tells the wife to willingly cooperate with her husband’s leadership (Eph 5:22).  Husbands are to realize that as “the head of the wife” (Eph 5:23) he is responsible to be her hero and protector.  Married men are to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25) through self-sacrifice.  Then suddenly, Paul turns his attention from Christian marriage to Christ’s marriage.  In Ephesians 5:26-32, he flips through the pictures of Jesus and His bride.  Many times these verses are said to show us our Savior’s relationship with His church in how a husband relates to his wife.  Nope.  It’s the other way around.  The purpose here is to hold Christ’s marriage to His bride as the standard for human marriage.  And just in case you are mistaken, the apostle grabs us by the ears and gets our attention: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:32).

Let’s flip through some of the wedding pictures, shall we?  We see that Jesus has been setting His fiancee apart and preparing her for the big day.  He’s been sanctifying her and making her squeaky clean with a Bible bath, “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:26).  He’s been a big part of the wedding preps.  There’s probably a lesson here for a lot of us guys who have pretty much blown off our bride’s begging by saying, “Whatever you think, dear.”  Come on, dude.  Get involved!  Jesus was involved.  Jesus is STILL involved.  He’s intimately involved with what’s REALLY important.  He knows that the spiritual growth of His bride is what makes her the most beautiful.  He knows what it will take to stun the crowd when they see her at the back of the sanctuary.

Christ plans to “present the church to Himself in splendor” (v27).  The Greek verb here translated as “present” is paristemi.  It means to place beside, deliver near, bring into one’s fellowship or intimacy.  In his letter to the Roman church, Paul urges them to “present (Gr. paristemi) your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Rom 12:1).  In the same way that we hand ourselves over to God because of what He’s done for us, Jesus presents His bride at the ceremony.  Over in Colossians, the apostle includes VERY similar language in his breathtaking portrait of Christ.  “He has now reconciled His body of flesh by His death, in order to present (Gr. paristemi) you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him” (Col 1:22).  Don’t miss the fact that in some way Jesus is both giving away His bride and standing as the Groom at the altar.  He’s presenting her and delivering her at the ceremony.  Check out the Message’s take on this verse: “Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant in holiness” (v27, The Message).  Jesus does everything to ensure that His church will be one beautiful bride.

Check out Christ’s bride all dressed in white as she begins her walk.  Jesus will “present the church to Himself in splendor” (v27).  In this spectacular ceremony, our Savior actually escorts her down the aisle too.  And she looks spectacular.  Paul says that she’s “in splendor” (v27).  This Greek term endoxos means glorious, something or someone held in great esteem, majestic, wonderful and in some cases free from sin.  In a conversation with some friends of John the Dunker, Jesus talked about rich folks “dressed in splendid (Gr. endoxos) clothing” who live in the king’s palace (Lk 7:25).  Sweet threads.  Designer clothes.  Earlier in this letter, Paul tells us “to put on the new self” (Eph 4:24).  There’s an idea of reaching into Christ’s closet and wearing His righteousness.  Those are glorious duds.  That’s what it means to be “in splendor” (v27).  She looks spectacular because she’s wearing the very righteousness of her sinless Groom!  Check out what she’s wearing.  Not one spot.  Not one wrinkle.  No one flaw.  In the great love song called the Song of Songs, Solomon serenades his hot new wife.  “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (SoS 4:7).  

Here comes the bride!

What do these wedding photos have to do with my marriage?  Well, Jesus loves His bride with a purifying love.  He sees His bride for what she will be.  Let’s face it, the church is pretty jacked up.  She’s a real Bridezilla!  But the Lord loves her by cleansing her.  So just as Christ can’t stand the thought of any sin corrupting His bride, believing husbands must not be able to bear the idea of their wives being defiled as well.  A married man can’t change his wife.  You get that, right?  But he knows a Guy who can.  Jesus.  Allow Christ to use you to do in your wife what He’s doing for His.  Like the church, your wife might have room for improvement.  But can we be honest?  So do you.  See your wife for what she will be. 

Here comes the bride!

I would like to dedicate this post to my lovely bride, Debbie.  As I post this, it's our 38th wedding anniversary.  And she's just as stunning as the day she walked down that aisle.

Give Your Wife a Bible Bath

... that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (Eph 5:26).

My wife loves to end the day with a long bath.  If the day has ambushed her, she finds the tub to be a place of rest and relaxation.  Paul talks about how Jesus uses a very special kind of bath for His bride, the church.  The apostle commands married men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25).  He first says that our Savior demonstrated His love to His church through His self-sacrifice.  Paul goes on to tell us that Jesus doesn’t stop there, “that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (v26).  Christ fills the tub for His bride, but not with bubbles.  He uses something that cleans so much better than Calgon.  His Word.  Not bubbles but Bible.  Scripture, take me away!

Let’s get something straight about what Paul is saying here.  This verse is about Jesus and His bride.  Paul describes what Christ’s love for the church looks like in very practical terms.  Does a Jesus following hubby play a role in his wife’s spiritual growth?  Absolutely!  There is no doubt that’s the case.  In his command to the married ladies, the apostle said “the husband is the head of the wife” (Eph 5:23).  This doesn’t mean he’s to be a brutal dictator.  It does mean that he’s responsible and accountable to God for her care, nourishment and growth.  And Paul told the folks in Corinth that somehow and someway believing spouses actually have a sanctifying effect if they’re married to unbelieving partners.  “For the unbelieving husband is made holy (Gr. hagiazo) because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy (Gr. hagiazo) because of her husband” (1Cor 7:14).  But, fellas, your wife is NOT a project.  You’re NOT flipping a house.  You are NOT Jesus.  He’s the One responsible for her sanctification.  Husband, be ready and available to be used by Christ in what He’s doing in the life of your wife.

Paul makes it clear that a big part of Jesus’ expression of love to His church is to “sanctify her” (v26).  This is the Greek verb hagiazo, which means to make holy, consecrate, dedicate or separate to God and His service.  We need to understand a couple of critical ideas when it comes to God’s saving process.  One VERY important thing He does at our moment of salvation is to justify us.  This happens when Jesus’ perfect life, death and resurrection are exchanged for our sin and rebellion (2Cor 5:21).  Many folks call it the Great Exchange.  The result is that when our heavenly Dad looks at us, He doesn’t see our sin.  He sees His sinless Son.  At that point, something else begins to happen.  God begins to actually make us holy.  This is the process we call sanctification.  It will last my entire earthly life.  But what God starts, He finishes (Phil 1:6).  According to Tullian Tchvidjian, the best way to participate in our sanctification is to continually remember our justification.  Married men should continually remind their believing wives of who they are in Christ.  That’s what Jesus does for His bride.

To sanctify or make holy includes the idea of setting apart for a special use or purpose.  Mark Driscoll says this like the difference between the plates your family uses for everyday meals and those dishes pulled out of the hutch for important meals and holidays.  You don’t just use the fine china when you’re burning a few hot dogs on the grill.  You save it for a special occasion like Thanksgiving.  It’s sanctified for special use.  It’s consecrated for a unique purpose.  God has selected His followers for a unique cause.  Like the church in Corinth.  “To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified (Gr. hagiazo) in Christ Jesus” (1Cor 1:2).  We’re to make Him famous.  Husbands should constantly remind their wives of their special purpose in God’s kingdom.

The word hagiazo also means to purify and completely cleanse.  A huge part of Jesus’ heart is the clean His church to rid her of filth and sin.  Christ continually washing His bride.  It was part of His plan all along.  The night before His execution, Jesus prayed for His crew and asked His Dad, “Sanctify (Gr. hagiazo) them in the truth; Your word is truth...And for their sake I consecrate (Gr. hagiazo) Myself, that they also may be sanctified (Gr. hagiazo) in truth” (Jn 17:17-19).  Some of us might think that we’re beyond His ability to supernaturally scrub us clean.  We think we’re too dirty.  We think we’re too nasty.  Think again.  Check out the miraculous bath the Corinthians experienced.  Before Jesus, they were sinning sexually, using hookers, worshiping idols, sleeping around outside of marriage, practicing homosexuality, stealing, greedy, continually high and drunk, as well as abusing, swindling and trash talking.  But something spectacular happened once Christ saved them.  “And such were some of you.  But you were washed, you were sanctified (Gr. hagiazo), you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1Cor 6:11).  God won’t just clean you up part of the way and walk away.  He promises to finish the job.  “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify (Gr. hagiazo) you completely” (1Th 5:23).  What He starts, He always finishes (Phil 1:6).

So how do husbands who follow Jesus follow His example?  What does this look like in a Christian marriage?  First of all, husbands need to know where their wives are in God’s process.  Does she follow Christ?  Has she ever placed her trust in who He is and what He’s done?  We’re not to be “unequally yoked” in marriage (2Cor 6:14).  But what happens if one spouse comes to faith after the wedding?  It certainly happens.   As Paul writes in 1Corinthians 7, stay married and let God use you in His process.  Husbands should continually remind their wives of who they are in Christ.  Too often folks who believe in Jesus fall victim to the lies that Satan continually whispers in our ear.  Once our Savior justifies her, assure her that nothing can change that.  Assure her that when her heavenly Dad looks at her, He sees His sinless Son.  An important key to our sanctification is to remember our justification.  And husbands do that by knowing God’s Word and continually bathing our brides in it.  Quote Scripture to her.  Pray Scripture over her.  Bubble baths are nice.  But what your bride really needs is a Bible bath.

So what do YOU think?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  Drop a comment below and let's chat.

The Perfect Gift

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph 5:25).

One of the hardest things for me is finding a gift for my lovely bride.  There are several factors that go into the decision.  It needs to be something she really wants.  It needs to be something she really likes.  It needs to be something of value.  It needs to be unique.  When you consider that this needs to happen at least four times each year (Christmas, anniversary, birthday and Valentines Day), you can feel my pain.  Please don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE giving my wife presents.  But I’m not that smart and simply run out of ideas.  Paul gives guys like me some fantastic gift advice here in his letter to the Ephesian church.  “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25).  If a husband truly wants to express his love to his bride, do what Jesus did.  Give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

Let’s back up for a little context here.  Paul is in the joint in Rome waiting for his appeal to be heard (Eph 3:1; 4:1; 6:20).  He’s writing to his friends back in Ephesus in response to a nasty heresy that’s headed their way.  Just 100 miles down the road, a team of spiritual hucksters have sold a false gospel to believers in Colossae, Laodicea and Hierapolis.  They’ve duped folks into thinking that Jesus may have gotten us into God’s kingdom but it’s up to us to stay in.  Their secret formula?  Follow this super special list of religious rules and regulations.  After writing a letter of correction that we call Colossians, Paul fires off another note to the Ephesians.  He knows that when we’re absolutely clear about who Jesus is, what He’s done and who we are in Him, we won’t be tempted to buy such spiritual snake oil of self-salvation.

The apostle is describing what family life looks like for the followers of Jesus (Eph 5:22-6:4).  Once we understand that everything we’ll ever need we already have in Jesus, we can “be imitators of God” (Eph 5:1).  We can “walk in love” just like Jesus (Eph 5:2).  We can “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8).  The rubber meets the road when we are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).  Paul begins addressing specific people at this point.  He starts with married women.  They are to willingly and lovingly cooperate with their husbands just as the church does with Jesus (Eph 5:22-24).

Now he moves on to the hubbies.  “Husbands, love your wives” (v25).  This is a clearly a command.  But how can Paul demand emotion like love?  How can anyone demand how we feel?  It must be a pretty big deal because this is the first of four commands for husbands to love their wives over the next nine verses.  Clearly God isn’t sure we’re going to get this through our thick skulls the first time.  Or second.  Or third.  “Love your wives” (v25).  “Love their wives” (Eph 5:28).  “Loves his wife” (Eph 5:28).  “Love his wife” (Eph 5:33).  Call it the Fantastic Four.  He’s only commanded submission to married women twice.  It’s no coincidence that Paul devotes three times more space on the page addressing husbands (nine verses) than he does the wives (three verses).  Let’s face it.  As husbands, we can be real knuckleheads.

God can command us to love because biblical love isn’t some warm and fuzzy feeling.  It’s action.  It’s doing.  As the old DC Talk song says, “Love is a verb.”  And the verb here for love here is agapao.  If it looks familiar, it should.  This is the verb cousin to the noun agape.  It means to show or prove one’s love through action, to love based on choice and to show affection as a matter of will.  This is love based on choice, will and action.  Actually, Jesus’ best friend John gives us a nifty definition in one of his letters.  “Let us not love (Gr. agapao) in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1Jn 3:18).  Now it doesn’t mean that this is just an icy cold, passionless act.  There is certainly a deep emotional component to it.  But it’s NOT dependent on how you feel.  It’s expressed by what you do.

So husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Jesus loves His bride, the church.  With a self-giving, self-sacrificing, “me third” kind of love in action.  The night before He was murdered, Jesus told His boys that He had some very special, last minute instructions for them.  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love (Gr. agapao) one another; just as I have loved (Gr. agapao) you, you also are to love (Gr. agapao) one another” (Jn 13:34).  How did Jesus love His crew?  He literally gave Himself for them.  This self-sacrificing love in action clearly became a dominant theme for the Apostle John.  “By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1Jn 3:16).  There’s no more simple and powerful statement on the impact of Jesus’ love than this: “We love (Gr. agapao) because He first loved (Gr. agapao) us” (1Jn 4:19).  If you want a bigger picture of Christ-like love, you need to file Chapter 13.  That’s 1^st Corinthians chapter 13.  The rock band Foreigner pleaded, “I want to know what love is.”  Here Paul gives us one of the most beautiful descriptions of it.  This is how Jesus loves.  This is how husbands are to love.  Guys, give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

The apostle wants married men to clearly see how Jesus loved His bride.  He “gave Himself up for her” (v25).  He uses the Greek verb paradidomi, which means to give into the hands of another, give over into someone’s power, deliver, entrust or hand over.  This is a willing surrender of Himself for His church.  He gives Himself for His church.  Our God is a Giver.  He gave His one and only Son out of His love for us (Jn 3:16).  He gives us His Holy Spirit (Jn 14:15-17, 26; 15:26; 16:7-8, 13).  And flip back to that amazing Tsunami of Blessings that overwhelms Paul in the first part of this letter to Ephesus (Eph 1:3-14).  Our very salvation is a gift from a gracious God (Eph 2:5-9).  He gives.  And He gives.  And He gives.  The apostle reminds us once again of Jesus’ grace.  He “gave Himself up for her” (v25).  No one forced Jesus to die for His bride.  He did it willingly.  He delivered Himself for her as an act of love.  He exchanged His life for her good.  “They bound Jesus and led Him away and delivered (Gr. paradidomi) Him over to Pilate” (Mk 15:1).  Christ gives HIMSELF!  He gave everything for her!

In that message to the Colossians that he wrote just before this note to Ephesus, Paul gives a very similar command.  “Husbands, love (Gr. agapao) your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col 3:19).  But a little later in this letter to the Ephesians, he adds a wonderful new phrase: “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25).  Robertson says that this lifts the idea of the husband’s love for his wife to the highest possible plane.  Married men are to love their wives with the same boundless, no-holds-barred, selfless and sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated for His bride.  Jesus gave everything for His church.  He gave His very life for His church.  That’s the standard of love for believing husbands.

Let’s make sure that we understand what Paul is NOT saying here.  It’s real easy for men to manipulate God’s command to the wife about submission.  Remember, fellas, the command to submit is not made to husbands.  This is the Lord’s command to our wives.  And no one placed us in the position to enforce that command.  We’re not the submission police.  Instead, Paul tells us to love our brides with the same self-sacrifice that Christ loved His wife.  The Bible paints a beautiful portrait of a the husband laying down his very life for his bride that’s in direct opposition of any sort of emotional or physical abuse.

I absolutely love how The Message shares this verse.  “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting” (Eph 5:25 The Message).  Go all out for her.  It’s not about getting.  It’s all about giving.  Give yourself.

It’s the perfect gift.

Well, what do you think?  Yeah, YOU!  Agree?  Disagree?  Or maybe you might have suggestion about what I can get my wife for a present.  Whatever the case, drop a comment below.  I'd love to hear from you.