One of the hardest things for me is finding a gift for my lovely bride. There are several factors that go into the decision. It needs to be something she really wants. It needs to be something she really likes. It needs to be something of value. It needs to be unique. When you consider that this needs to happen at least four times each year (Christmas, anniversary, birthday and Valentines Day), you can feel my pain. Please don’t get me wrong. I LOVE giving my wife presents. But I’m not that smart and simply run out of ideas. Paul gives guys like me some fantastic gift advice here in his letter to the Ephesian church. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25). If a husband truly wants to express his love to his bride, do what Jesus did. Give yourself.
It’s the perfect gift.
Let’s back up for a little context here. Paul is in the joint in Rome waiting for his appeal to be heard (Eph 3:1; 4:1; 6:20). He’s writing to his friends back in Ephesus in response to a nasty heresy that’s headed their way. Just 100 miles down the road, a team of spiritual hucksters have sold a false gospel to believers in Colossae, Laodicea and Hierapolis. They’ve duped folks into thinking that Jesus may have gotten us into God’s kingdom but it’s up to us to stay in. Their secret formula? Follow this super special list of religious rules and regulations. After writing a letter of correction that we call Colossians, Paul fires off another note to the Ephesians. He knows that when we’re absolutely clear about who Jesus is, what He’s done and who we are in Him, we won’t be tempted to buy such spiritual snake oil of self-salvation.
The apostle is describing what family life looks like for the followers of Jesus (Eph 5:22-6:4). Once we understand that everything we’ll ever need we already have in Jesus, we can “be imitators of God” (Eph 5:1). We can “walk in love” just like Jesus (Eph 5:2). We can “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8). The rubber meets the road when we are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21). Paul begins addressing specific people at this point. He starts with married women. They are to willingly and lovingly cooperate with their husbands just as the church does with Jesus (Eph 5:22-24).
Now he moves on to the hubbies. “Husbands, love your wives” (v25). This is a clearly a command. But how can Paul demand emotion like love? How can anyone demand how we feel? It must be a pretty big deal because this is the first of four commands for husbands to love their wives over the next nine verses. Clearly God isn’t sure we’re going to get this through our thick skulls the first time. Or second. Or third. “Love your wives” (v25). “Love their wives” (Eph 5:28). “Loves his wife” (Eph 5:28). “Love his wife” (Eph 5:33). Call it the Fantastic Four. He’s only commanded submission to married women twice. It’s no coincidence that Paul devotes three times more space on the page addressing husbands (nine verses) than he does the wives (three verses). Let’s face it. As husbands, we can be real knuckleheads.
God can command us to love because biblical love isn’t some warm and fuzzy feeling. It’s action. It’s doing. As the old DC Talk song says, “Love is a verb.” And the verb here for love here is agapao. If it looks familiar, it should. This is the verb cousin to the noun agape. It means to show or prove one’s love through action, to love based on choice and to show affection as a matter of will. This is love based on choice, will and action. Actually, Jesus’ best friend John gives us a nifty definition in one of his letters. “Let us not love (Gr. agapao) in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1Jn 3:18). Now it doesn’t mean that this is just an icy cold, passionless act. There is certainly a deep emotional component to it. But it’s NOT dependent on how you feel. It’s expressed by what you do.
So husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Jesus loves His bride, the church. With a self-giving, self-sacrificing, “me third” kind of love in action. The night before He was murdered, Jesus told His boys that He had some very special, last minute instructions for them. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love (Gr. agapao) one another; just as I have loved (Gr. agapao) you, you also are to love (Gr. agapao) one another” (Jn 13:34). How did Jesus love His crew? He literally gave Himself for them. This self-sacrificing love in action clearly became a dominant theme for the Apostle John. “By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1Jn 3:16). There’s no more simple and powerful statement on the impact of Jesus’ love than this: “We love (Gr. agapao) because He first loved (Gr. agapao) us” (1Jn 4:19). If you want a bigger picture of Christ-like love, you need to file Chapter 13. That’s 1st Corinthians chapter 13. The rock band Foreigner pleaded, “I want to know what love is.” Here Paul gives us one of the most beautiful descriptions of it. This is how Jesus loves. This is how husbands are to love. Guys, give yourself.
It’s the perfect gift.
The apostle wants married men to clearly see how Jesus loved His bride. He “gave Himself up for her” (v25). He uses the Greek verb paradidomi, which means to give into the hands of another, give over into someone’s power, deliver, entrust or hand over. This is a willing surrender of Himself for His church. He gives Himself for His church. Our God is a Giver. He gave His one and only Son out of His love for us (Jn 3:16). He gives us His Holy Spirit (Jn 14:15-17, 26; 15:26; 16:7-8, 13). And flip back to that amazing Tsunami of Blessings that overwhelms Paul in the first part of this letter to Ephesus (Eph 1:3-14). Our very salvation is a gift from a gracious God (Eph 2:5-9). He gives. And He gives. And He gives. The apostle reminds us once again of Jesus’ grace. He “gave Himself up for her” (v25). No one forced Jesus to die for His bride. He did it willingly. He delivered Himself for her as an act of love. He exchanged His life for her good. “They bound Jesus and led Him away and delivered (Gr. paradidomi) Him over to Pilate” (Mk 15:1). Christ gives HIMSELF! He gave everything for her!
In that message to the Colossians that he wrote just before this note to Ephesus, Paul gives a very similar command. “Husbands, love (Gr. agapao) your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col 3:19). But a little later in this letter to the Ephesians, he adds a wonderful new phrase: “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v25). Robertson says that this lifts the idea of the husband’s love for his wife to the highest possible plane. Married men are to love their wives with the same boundless, no-holds-barred, selfless and sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated for His bride. Jesus gave everything for His church. He gave His very life for His church. That’s the standard of love for believing husbands.
Let’s make sure that we understand what Paul is NOT saying here. It’s real easy for men to manipulate God’s command to the wife about submission. Remember, fellas, the command to submit is not made to husbands. This is the Lord’s command to our wives. And no one placed us in the position to enforce that command. We’re not the submission police. Instead, Paul tells us to love our brides with the same self-sacrifice that Christ loved His wife. The Bible paints a beautiful portrait of a the husband laying down his very life for his bride that’s in direct opposition of any sort of emotional or physical abuse.
I absolutely love how The Message shares this verse. “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting” (Eph 5:25 The Message). Go all out for her. It’s not about getting. It’s all about giving. Give yourself.
It’s the perfect gift.
Well, what do you think? Yeah, YOU! Agree? Disagree? Or maybe you might have suggestion about what I can get my wife for a present. Whatever the case, drop a comment below. I'd love to hear from you.
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