Before we dive in, I have a confession to make. I remember going out to the local pond as a kid to play hockey. We hoped that the ice was thick enough to hold a handful of us. I kinda feel that way this morning as I type. I’m hoping the ice will hold me. Because I know it’s going to be thin! As a married man, any discussion of this command from Paul is going to be awkward. The big reason is that it is NOT for me! He’s passing along God’s inspired instructions for our brides. And the other perspective I bring is that I’m married to a VERY strong woman who obeys this instruction in an amazing way. With all that said, let’s scoot a little further out onto the ice.
From his cell in a Roman slammer, Paul is telling the Ephesians what following Jesus looks like in marriage. This is what it looks like when husbands and wives are “imitators of God” (Eph 5:1). This is what it looks like when husbands and wives “walk in love” like Jesus (Eph 5:2). This is what it looks like when husbands and wives “walk as children of light” (Eph 5:8). This is what it looks like when husbands and wives are “filled with the Spirit” (Eph 5:18).
OK, let’s get it out there. Let me stop tiptoeing around. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (v22). There. I did it. Whew! Any handling of this stick of scriptural dynamite must be seen in light of the previous verse. It all begins when each of us are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:20). I honestly think that while biblical translators have done a fantastic job over the centuries in bringing these ancient manuscripts into English, they didn’t help us here with the structure of the paragraphs. You see, these original letters were on parchments so valuable that no space was wasted. There was no punctuation. There was no indentation. There were no verse or chapter numbers. Simply words crammed on a page. The folks in Ephesus who read this wouldn’t see a new paragraph and heading like we do. They saw the clear and powerful connection between our mutual submission out of our obedience and worship of Jesus as the foundation for the relationship between a wife and her husband. Our willing self-sacrifice to one another is the foundation for all the instructions to come. For wives. For husbands. For children. For fathers. For employees. For employers. We submit because of our obedience to Jesus. We submit because He joyfully submitted to His Dad to come save us.
The first thing Paul does here is to make sure he has the attention of a particular audience. “Wives” (v22). This is the Greek noun gune. It’s where we get our term gynecologist. The word doesn’t describe just any female. This is an adult woman of marital age. Depending on the context of the verse, it can mean a wife or a female legally engaged to be married or even a widow. Most of the time, gune is the generic term for any adult female in the New Testament. Dr. Luke describes the amazing conversion of both “men and women (Gr. gune)” (Acts 5:14). He also used it when talking about Zechariah’s wife Elizabeth (Lk 1:5). The word centers around a woman and her marital status. The general principle is that the lady is old enough to be married. And in the first century, that’s probably around 13 years old. So given the context, the apostle is talking to all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies. No, here he’s addressing the women who have a ring on their finger. He’s writing to all the married ladies, all the married ladies, all the married ladies, all the married ladies.
Now here’s the goofy thing about verse 22. The word “submit” isn’t really here in the original text. Say what? It doesn’t just appear out of thin air using some sort of biblical hocus pocus. This verse literally reads, “Wives, to your husbands, as to the Lord.” You have to carry the verb from the previous verse (Eph 5:21). Once again, that’s why the new paragraph that most of us see in our Bibles doesn’t help. The idea of submission of a wife to her hubby begins with the mutual submission of the married couple to one another. In 21st century America, the “S” word is a dirty word. But Paul is actually encouraging wives to voluntarily submit to their husband’s authority in the same way that Jesus related to His Dad.
So just who are the wives to willingly cooperate with? “To your own husbands” (v22). Not the guy next door. Not the dude at the drug store. Not just any random man on the street. “To your own husbands” (v22). The term here is aner. And just like the word for an adult woman we see here as “wives,” this describes a man old enough to be married. It can be a husband. It can be a male who is legally engaged. It can be a widower. The term distinguishes an adult guy from a boy. Paul talks about his physical and emotional maturity into adulthood. “When I became a man (Gr. aner), I gave up childish ways” (1Cor 13:11). When Jesus fed the crowd, Mark counts only the 5,000 men (Gr. aner) Christ served at the miraculous seafood buffet (Mk 6:44). Chances are there were between 15,000-20,000 people that ate that day. And anytime aner appears along with gune, it most certainly implies husband and wife, as it does here. So the apostle makes it clear here to wives that they are to voluntarily obey and submit to their husbands. And again, that all goes back to a relationship of mutual submission between Christ-following spouses (Eph 5:21).
Don’t blow past those last three words in this verse: “to the Lord” (v22). Paul describes that wives are to willingly obey and cooperate with their husbands in the same way they willingly obey and cooperate to Jesus. The wife’s submission isn’t the result of anything her hubby has done. It’s because of who Jesus is and what He’s done. The relationship between a married couple isn’t a quid pro quo, “if you’ll do this then I’ll do that” contractual agreement. A marriage is a covenant. A marriage is the commitment to one another DESPITE anything that happens. Just like God’s covenant with His elect. He loves us DESPITE who we are and what we do. The husband could be a real knucklehead. I know I certainly can be. But the wife’s submission isn’t dependent on the husband’s worthiness of her obedience. The wives’ willing cooperation to her husband and his sacrificial love for her is more like a beautiful dance than a contract with conditions.
Let’s also make something clear. The obedience of the wife to her husband does NOT include sin. This does NOT include any violation of God’s commands. That’s NOT what Paul is talking about here at all! If the husband tells his wife to do something that breaks commandments, then his wife’s submission is no longer in effect.
The apostle is doing two things in this passage (Eph 5:22-33). First of all, he’s reminding us of God’s proper structure for marriage. But just as importantly, he’s telling us that marriage is really a picture of something bigger, something grander. Marriage is a shadow of Jesus’ relationship with His bride the church. It’s not that the ladies are inferior and of little or no value. Exactly the opposite. Husbands are to sacrificially cherish, love and protect their wives just as Jesus did for His bride.
So did the ice eventually crack? Do you agree? Disagree? I would love your thoughts. Just drop a comment below and let's chat.
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