Two thousand years before Dr. Phil wrote his “Relationship Rescue,” the Apostle Paul was dishing out wise marriage advice. He instructs married men that the key to a fantastic relationship is following Jesus’ example in how He treats His bride. “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (v29). Check out those two tender terms. “Nourishes.” “Cherishes.” These are absolutely essential duties that a husband must perform for his wife. He must nurture her over an extended period of time. He must provide her tender care. Dr. Phil calls this “a safe place to fall.” I think that’s a great way to understand what a husband provides for his wife. Men, do you nourish your bride? Does your wife know that you’re giving her everything she needs emotionally, physically and spiritually? Do you cherish your wife? Does she believe that she’s safe and secure in your arms? Are you a safe place to fall? Oops! Hit a little too close to home? Well, there I go meddlin’ again.
Paul begins by saying that “no one every hated his own flesh” (v29). This is a follow up to his statement that the best way for a husband to love himself is to love his wife (Eph 5:28). That’s because something happens between men and when when they are intimate. Emotionally intimate. Spiritually intimate. Physically intimate. They become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:30-31). A married couple is more than a joint venture. Husband+wife=one. 1+1=1. As a result, the husband doesn’t despise his body that now includes his bride. The apostle uses the verb miseo. It means to detest, despise, strongly dislike, reject and abhor. It’s how Jesus describes choosing between two masters. You can’t obey both. “For either he will hate (Gr. miseo) the one and love the other” (Mt 6:24; Lk 16:13). The hubby is to understand that his wife is just as much a part of him as his own leg. And he certainly doesn’t hate his own leg.
Instead, the husband “nourishes” his bride. This is the Greek verb ektrepho, which means to nurture, raise, rear and bring to maturity. It also describes feeding over a considerable period of time. Think of buying a meal plan for college. This isn’t hitting a drive-through. It’s providing nourishment meal after meal, day after day, year after year. The word only appears twice in the Bible. And both of them are here in Ephesians! Paul uses the same word later when he tells dads to stop frustrating their kids and “bring them up (Gr. miseo) in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). It’s a cool picture of nourishing our children in following Jesus. It might mean eating their vegetables. As a husband in his marriage, you provide what’s necessary to your wife for her growth and maturity. Again, this isn’t a one-time thing. You don’t check this one off your “to do” list with a date night at a nice restaurant. You nurture her day after day.
The married man “cherishes” his bride. Here we see the verb thalpo. This term means to keep warm, care for and foster with tenderness. It literally can mean to warm by a fire. As before, we only see it used twice in the New Testament. “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care (Gr. thalpo) of her own children” (1Th 2:7). Husbands are commanded to provide comfort and security to their wives. Think of snuggling under a blanket in front of a crackling fire after she’s had a tough day. This may even involve watching some sort of chick flick instead Sunday Night Football. Suck it up, boys. It’s NOT about you! This is about cherishing your wife. This is about giving her a safe place to fall.
Husbands do this because it’s what Jesus does. We are to cherish and nourish our wives “as Christ does the church” (v29). His marriage and relationship with His bride is the picture of the perfect husband. During these commands to married couples (Eph 5:22-33), Paul continually points back to Christ’s loving care for His church as our ultimate example. The husband’s love for his wife is to be the very same self-sacrifice as when “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). Jesus draws His bride a Bible bath “through the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:26). The Lord is fully involved with prepping His future wife for the wedding so that she’ll be absolutely spectacular on the big day (Eph 5:27). And just in case I’m so thick that I miss it, he grabs me by the ears and looks me in the eye to say, “I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:32).
Jesus nourishes His bride. He continually and lovingly gives His church what’s best. And He protects and tenderly cares for His church. That’s the picture for husbands. This does NOT make us the hard-hearted enforcers of her submission. It’s about being her hero just as Jesus came to rescue His church. Nourish your wife. Cherish your wife. Give her a safe place to fall.
Guys, do you make sure your wife has a soft place to land? Ladies, does your husband cherish and nourish you? I'd love to hear from you. Drop a comment below.
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