Don't Let It Go to Your Head

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior (Eph 5:23).

Let’s cut to the chase.  Few verses in the Bible have been as misused as this one.  “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior” (v23).  Power hungry husbands have pulled out their 20 pound King Jimmy and pounded away on their wives with Paul’s words for a long, long time.  Men have played scriptural head games with the ladies over this passage.  Is the apostle saying that the husband is a position of authority in the marriage?  Absolutely.  BUT a closer look at the text tells us how this authority is to be used.  It’s to be used in the same way Jesus has loved His bride.  As hero.  As rescuer.  As protector.  In other words, don’t let it go to your head!

And this verse has also been, ahem, flipped on its head through the years.  Folks have thought that the relationship between a husband and wife gives us a picture of Jesus and His church.  No, it’s the other way around.  Paul says that the entire marriage relationship is actually a reflection of the perfect marriage between Christ and His bride.  Jesus is the model Husband.  Jesus is the example and standard for married men to live up to.  When men who follow Jesus want to know how to love and care for our wives, we must continually be “looking to Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of our faith” (Heb 12:2).  

From a Roman prison cell, Paul is giving his friends back in Ephesus a picture of what it looks like to be “imitators of God” (Eph 5:1) and to “walk in love” just like Jesus (Eph 5:2).  And in these verses, he’s giving us a glimpse of family life.  He’s telling us how a husband and wife should relate.  And that all starts when both partners in the marriage are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).  We willingly put our spouse in the position of priority as an act of worship toward Jesus.  I must carry the idea of Christ-like mutual submission throughout all of Eph 5:22-6:9.

The apostle has just instructed the wife to “submit to your own husband” as a way to honor her Lord (Eph 5:22).  He goes on to tell her that “the husband is the head of the wife” (v23).  In the original Greek text, he uses the word kephale.  It literally means a human or animal head.  The noggin.  The melon.  The term can even describe a severed head.  As a reward for her disgusting striptease for her uncle/stepdad, Herodias’ daughter asked for “the head (Gr. kephale) of John the Baptist on a platter” (Mk 6:25).

But this Greek noun also describes the top, anything supreme or chief.  The kephale is anything or anyone prominent that’s ultimately accountable and responsible.  The writers of the Bible continually refer to Jesus in that position.  Two other times in this letter, Paul did just that.  God “put all things under His feet, and gave Him as head (Gr. kephale) over all things to the church” (Eph 1:22).  As we become more and more spiritually mature, “we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head (Gr. kephale), into Christ” (Eph 4:15).  Over in the apostle’s letter to the folks in Colossae (which he wrote at the same time as Ephesians), it’s a consistent theme too.  “He is the head (Gr. kephale) of the body, the church” (Col 1:18).  Jesus is 100% man and 100% God and “the head (Gr. kephale) of all rule and authority” (Col 2:9-10).  The key way to avoid being duped by false teaching is to cling to Christ, “holding fast to the head (Gr. kephale), from whom the whole body is nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God” (Col 2:19).  

Clearly, Jesus is the perfect Leader.  He’s the perfect Head.  He’s the perfect Husband.  A huge part of that role as the head of His church is Christ’s responsibility for His bride.  As the head of the wife, the husband is accountable for her care, her protection and her growth in the same way Jesus is with His church.  As the first head husband, Adam was responsible for Eve.  That’s why when she sinned, he was accountable (1Tim 2:13-14).  And why not?  The dude was standing right there when he allowed his wife to chat it up with that slimy satanic snake (Gen 3:1-6).  

Gentlemen, we’re responsible and accountable for the care and protection of our wives.  That means one of two things for most of us.  One, get engaged!  No, I don’t mean pop the question and buy the ring.  I’m talking about becoming fully engaged in the spiritual growth of your wife.  Stop abdicating and ignoring your marital responsibility.  Pastor your wife!  Wash her in God’s Word (Eph 5:26).  Pray with her.  Pray for her.  Then there’s the other extreme.  Stop emotionally abusing your wife by throwing your weight around scripturally.  That is NOT what this verse means.  Is the husband the human authority in the marriage?  Sure.  But it’s not to be used willy nilly.  Save it for those tough decisions.  Don’t let it go to your head.  Our relationship with our wives is also a picture of our relationship with Jesus and His relationship with His Father.  “The head (Gr. kephale) of every man is Christ, the head (Gr. kephale) of a wife is her husband, and the head (Gr. kephale) of Christ is God” (1Cor 11:3).  Does Jesus abusively boss you around?  Does Christ’s heavenly Dad bully His Boy?  No, I didn’t think so.  Don’t let it go to your head.

Jesus is also the ultimate Hero to His bride as her “Savior” (v23).  This is the Greek word soter, which means the agent of salvation, rescuer, deliverer and protector.  It comes from the word that means “to save.”  When she found out who her Baby was, Jesus’ mother Mary sang, “My spirit rejoices in God my Savior (Gr. soter)” (Lk 1:47).  Paul told the folks in the synagogue at Antioch of Pisida, “God has brought to Israel a Savior (Gr. soter), Jesus, as He promised” (Acts 13:18).  The church has a Hero.  The church has a Rescuer.  The church has a Savior.  Forget Superman or any other member of the comic book universe.  There’s only one Hero of the story.  Jesus.  Husband, be the hero of your wife’s story.  

Just as Jesus came to the rescue of His bride, the human husband is to be his wife’s hero and protector.  He’s to love her, protect her and nourish her with a self-sacrificial love.  In the movie “Saving Private Ryan,” the mission of the soldiers is to do everything possible to return Ryan alive, even at the cost of their own lives.  That’s the kind of protective care God calls husbands to practice toward their wives.  Jesus is THE ultimate example of THE ultimate sacrifice for a husband’s love of His wife.  As husband, I’m to be my bride’s servant/leader.  I’m to be her hero.  I’m to be protector.  I can’t let it go to my head.

This is the part where you jump in.  Do you agree?  Am I off base?  I would love to hear what you think.  Drop a comment below.