Hey Dad, stop ticking off your kids! How many times have you seen it? How many times have you DONE it? Dad rolls in from work or a long road trip and tries to reestablish his tight-fisted control of the home. The king has returned to the castle. He walks through the door and starts barking orders at his kids. Chaos and rebellion ensue. Paul tells dads that this is NOT how it’s supposed to go down in the home of a Christ follower. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (v4). Stop aggravating the kids and start lovingly educating them. Don’t yell at your children. Teach them. Don’t be a bad dad.
The command begins by telling dads what not to do. Don’t “provoke” your kids. This is the Greek verb parorgizo, which means to make angry, exasperate or irritate. The form of the word emphasizes the long lasting nature of the frustration. This isn’t just a one time tick off. This is an ongoing anger. It’s deep and long lasting. It can’t be smoothed over easily. This verb emphasizes how a bad dad has terrorized his children over the long haul. Are you loving dad or a dominating dictator? Do your kids run to you or from you when you get home? WAY too often, dad is a despot who rules with an iron fist. The apostle says that’s no way to use the authority and responsibility that God graciously has given you. Over in Colossians, the companion letter to Ephesians, Paul drops an incredibly similar word to dads. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col 3:21). Stop infuriating your kids. Stop irritating your kids. Stop exasperating your kids. I love the Amplified’s take here. “Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment]” (v4a AMP). Don’t be a bad dad.
So what DO you do instead? Paul doesn’t leave you hanging. He tells dads to “bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord” (v4). In the original text we see the term ektrepho. It means to nourish, nurture, bring up or raise. The only other time this word is used in the entire Bible is just up the page. Paul talks about how Jesus lovingly “nourishes (Gr. ektrepho) and cherishes” His church (Eph 5:29). Instead of ruling with a heavy hand, God calls BOTH parents to nourish and nurture their kids. This does NOT mean to avoid corporal punishment. But it should be the exception rather than the rule. Or in the words of The Message, “Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master” (v4b The Message).
The only way to teach them “the way of the Master” is to through “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (v4). If you’re not sure, he’s talking about the Bible. The apostle is urging both parents to be fully involved in the systematic instruction of kids in God’s Word. Yeah, I know. Family devotions are a struggle. They were for me and my family. And look for opportunities to apply Scripture in regular family life. Quote it. Post it on the fridge. Soak your family in it. It won’t be good for just your kids. It will be good for mom and dad too.
Paul says that the key nutrients for nourishing your kids are “discipline” (Gr. paedeia) and “instruction” (Gr. nouthesia). The first of the two is the nurture and instruction involved in broad training of a child for general education. The writer of Hebrews uses paedeia six times in seven verse of Hebrews 12. In this passage, we see how our heavenly Dad lovingly instructs and “disciplines the one He loves” (Heb 12:6). God is not like the disconnected or distant dad that ignores his children. He’s fully involved in their care and instruction. The main textbook for the education of our kids should be Scripture. God’s Word is “profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training (Gr. paedeia) in righteousness” (2Tim 3:16). The second term is nouthesia, which brings the idea of correction or warning. They need to know limits and boundaries for their own good. All of the stumbles and sins of the Israelites “were written down for our instruction (Gr. nouthesia)” so we would avoid the same potholes (1Cor 10:11). Paul tells his boy Titus that after two warnings (Gr. nouthesia) troublemakers in the church should get the boot on their third strike (Titus 3:10). Our kids not only need to know what to do but what NOT to do. That means telling them why they shouldn’t do something. Discipline and instruction.
While Paul is writing to dads, this warning is clearly for both parents. This goes just as much for moms too. And this is all about finding a godly balance as parents. Some parents are too harsh and too stern. Some are too hands off. I’m more often guilty of the second. God is calling moms and dads to be not just tender and nurturing but fully involved in the spiritual growth of their children. We can’t convert our kids but we can prepare their hearts for what God’s Spirit can do. Matt Chandler describes this as stacking kindling in their lives. We continually tell them about God’s goodness. We continually tell them about Jesus and His love for them. When God’s fire falls on them, they’ll ignite in a big way!
Confession time. I'm FAR from the perfect dad. I'm still learning. Would love to hear what you believe Paul is telling us about fatherhood. Drop a comment below and let's chat.
No comments:
Post a Comment