It’s time for children’s church. In most churches, that’s when parents drop their kids off for their very own time of worship. In other places, it’s that special time in the service where the pastor calls all the kids forward to explain a Bible story in very simple terms. I’ve gotta be honest. I’ve been in services where that’s the only sermon I’ve been able to understand and apply. But here in his letter to his friends in Ephesus, Paul does his own edition of children’s church. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (v1-3). The apostle talks directly to the kids in the crowd. He flips back to the Ten Commandments, as well as throwing in a little commentary to boot. Reminds me of some of my experiences as a adult witnessing children’s church. It’s a sermon that I can actually understand and apply!
Paul addresses kids in his letter to Ephesus. This note was to be read out loud in church when it arrived. Children in the Ephesian church apparently weren’t hustled off and segregated for their own separate service. Kids were a big part of big church. I’m not saying that this has to be how you do things where you worship. But this is a reminder to regularly include kids in corporate gatherings. Too many teens leave church after they head off to college. I realize there are lots of reasons for it. Shoot, I did it too! But let’s not continually provide exits from the road to our worship services. We should encourage our kids to be a vital part of what God is doing in our church by including them.
The command here is for children to “obey your parents” (v1). The apostle uses the Greek verb hupakouo. It means to be ready and willing to respond when called. Like answering the door. There’s a readiness to this kind of obedience. There’s a willingness to this kind of obedience. There’s NOT a heavy sigh when mom tells you something. There’s NOT a roll of the eyes when dad tells you something. Since Paul wrote to the Colossians at the same time dealing with lots of the same issues, these two notes have tons in common. This kiddie command is one of them. “Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord” (Col 3:20).
So should children blindly obey their parents no matter what? Hey, as kids, we’re always looking for loopholes, aren’t we? While Paul doesn’t mention any in either of his letters to Ephesus and Colossae, Jesus tells us there is one very important exception. When a child knows for certain that a parent’s wishes fly in the face of God’s Word, they are to do what their heavenly Dad tells them to do. Following Jesus is going to split families (Lk 12:51-53). This is a powerful reminder to moms and dads that we need to know God’s Word and expect our kids to follow Jesus at all costs.
The parent/child relationship is one of the Bible’s megathemes. That’s one reason that Paul hangs this particular command on what God told Moses on Mount Sinai. When the Great I Am handed Moses His Top Ten, this is the very first law that dealt with human relationships (Ex 20:12; Dt 5:16). This is the only one of the Ten Commandments which deals with relationships in the family. When observed, this would be the foundation for the proper function in the home between parents and their kids. The wisest person to ever live (other than Jesus!) was King Solomon (1Ki 3:12). Sol wrote an entire instruction manual for his son that we call Proverbs (Prov 1:8). This book is slammed with commands of obedience for kids. “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Prov 6:20). And the king made sure his boy knew that this was a lifelong relationship of respect. “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old” (Prov 23:22).
Here in New Testament Greek we read the command from Old Testament Hebrew. Kids are to “‘honor your father and mother’” (v2). To honor is the verb timao. It means to place a great value on something or hold it precious and dear. This term can literally mean to set a price for something. For instance, the Sanhedrin and Judas negotiated about betraying Jesus “on Whom a price had been set (Gr. timao)” of 30 silver coins (Mt 27:9). Children of all ages are to count their mothers and fathers of great value. This would certainly seem to letting adult kids know that God wants them to provide financially for their aging parents.
Once again, Jesus is our gold standard and ultimate example. He made it clear that He came to do what His Dad wanted. “I always do the things that are pleasing to Him” (Jn 8:29). Paul quotes one of the earliest praise and worship tunes that says Jesus’ submission to His Father led to Calvary. “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:8). That doesn’t mean our Savior was some robotic automaton that blindly obeyed like one of the Stepford wives. The night before His execution, Jesus wrestled with His Dad in prayer about what was about to go down. Eventually, Christ knew that this was exactly what His Father sent Him to do. “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Mt 26:39). This is the ultimate example of the obedience of a child to a parent. While kids are to show great honor and respect to their mom and dad, our love and passion for Jesus is to dwarf our relationship with our parents (Lk 14:26).
Kids living at home should be in willing submission to their their parents. God has placed their mom and dad over them in authority. This is God’s design and it is right and correct. Ultimately, this sets the standard for submission to all authority in society. To bosses. To government. To leaders in the church. But come on, kids obeying their folks can’t be that important, can it? Well, you might want to check this out. Willing obedience to mom and dad is such a big deal that the breaking of command was a big part of God’s exile of His people into Babylonian captivity (Ezek 22:7, 15).
Paul drops a little commentary into the Fifth Commandment. “This is the first commandment with a promise” (v2). Most of our Bibles use parentheses around this phrase. That’s because it’s not there in the original Top Ten. But it’s an important point to remember for a couple of reasons. God did make that promise to the children of Israel. They were on the way to the Promised Land. Once they rolled into the land of milk and honey, He pledged to give those obedient kids a long life. And don’t miss the point that the apostle links a promise Yahweh made to His covenant people to non-Jewish kids living in Ephesus. One thing for sure, God clearly continues His pledge to bless boys and girls who lovingly obey and honor their folks.
What is Paul NOT saying? He’s NOT saying that adult children must still obey their parents forever. Just a couple of sentences earlier, he dropped that “leave and cleave” reference from the very first wedding in Genesis. Remember, when a man and woman get married, the groom “shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:31). Seems pretty darn clear here that the new couple’s new priority is their own relationship. Elsewhere, the apostle tells the Corinthians that when he was a kid, he acted that way. But now that he’s matured, he “gave up childish ways” (1Cor 13:11-12).
Here’s the deal. There’s a time to grow up and move away from home. There’s a time to cut the apron strings. There’s a time to step into manhood. There’s a time to step in womanhood. That does NOT mean we’re to turn our backs on our parents. What used to be commands to willingly obey becomes advice to strongly consider. We’re to honor them for as long as they live. Respect them. Value them. Cherish them.
What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Drop a comment below and let's chat.
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