Each year I go visit my doctor and get a physical. I need to know how my body is doing. I need to know if there’s anything wrong. I need that outside opinion. I need that expert opinion. Well, there’s another way I can check on my spiritual and emotional health. That’s by taking a look at my wife. God says that since we’re married, we’re one. To care for my wife is to care for myself. To care for myself is to care for my wife. “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (v28).
Love your wife=Love yourself.
Here are two of the four times in this letter to the Ephesians that Paul tells married men to love their wives. He did it earlier as he compared that to how Jesus loved His church through self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25). And he’ll do it one more time as he wraps things up (Eph 5:33). Clearly he understands the thick skulls of the husbands he’s talking to. Hey guys, love your wives. Love your wives. Love your wives! LOVE YOUR WIVES!!! Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. The apostle pounds the nail four stinkin’ times. Hopefully, he has our attention. Hey, fellas, love your wives. Got it? Good.
The interesting thing is that most of this picture of a husband’s love for his wife is actually a beautiful portrait of Jesus’ love for His bride, the church. Christ loves her by living a life of self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25). He loves her by continually washing her in His Word and giving her a Bible bath (Eph 5:26). He loves her by playing an active role in their wedding preps to the point that jaws drop when she’s about to walk down the aisle (Eph 5:27). Our marriage isn’t a picture of His marriage. It’s the other way around. Jesus’ loving relationship with His church is the perfect example of what my marriage should look like. That’s exactly Paul’s point as he turns the focus from Christ’s marriage to mine. I’m to love my wife “in the same way” (v28). He’s the gold standard of grooms. No one will ever live up to how Jesus has loved and will love His bride. But that’s my goal. “In the same way” (v28).
“Husbands should love their wives” (v28). The command here is actually a little different grammatically. Paul uses the verb “should.” This is the Greek word otheilo. It actually means to owe what is due. When the apostle wrote to his buddy Phil about his runaway slave Onesimus, he promised to pay back anything he may have stolen. “If he has wronged you at all, or owes (Gr. otheilo) you anything, charge that to my account” (Phm 18). You can also translate this word as ought, must, to be under obligation, duty bound, to be necessary or indispensable. As a husband, I owe it to my wife to love her. But my debt isn’t due because of something she’s done. I owe it to my bride because of what Jesus has done. I owe it to my wife because we have a covenant, not a contract. A contract indicates some sort of deal with very specific terms. If you do this, I promise to do that. If one party fails to fulfill, the other is off the hook. That’s a contract. But marriage is a covenant. That’s a pledge to do something no matter what. It’s a promise without conditions. It’s unconditional love. I owe it to my wife to love her no matter what.
Over in his letter to his crew in Rome, Paul combines the idea of being in debt and being in love. “Owe (Gr. otheilo) no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (Rom 13:8). Be debt free except when it comes to love. After Jesus washed His disciples’ filthy feet, He told them, “You also ought (Gr. otheilo) to wash one another’s feet” (Jn 13:14). Moments later, Christ connected the dots between love and ought. “Love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:34-35). As the husband, you owe it to your wife to love her.
This is a powerful reminder of what Christ-like love is all about. Agape. It’s so much more than a warm fuzzy feeling toward someone else. It’s love in action. It’s love with legs. It’s love that does. It’s love on the move. If you love someone, you do for them. You don’t simply telepathically send them positive vibes. You love by doing. That’s how Jesus loved us. That’s how husbands are to love their wives.
The husband should take care of his bride with the same devotion that he cares for himself. There’s a subtle reminder here that God expects us to keep our bodies in good physical shape. Keep an eye on your weight. Get regular exercise. Eat healthy foods. Make sure you get plenty of rest. We really must take great care of the temple of the Holy Spirit (1Cor 6:19). It goes without saying that followers of Jesus should take care of themselves physically. Our body is just one of several things He’s given us to steward and maximize on this side of eternity.
Once a man is married, he’s responsible to care not only for his body but the body of his new bride as well. MacArthur calls this “one of the most poignant and compelling descriptions of the oneness that should characterize Christian marriage.” Paul is about to refresh us on what God said to Adam and Eve at the first wedding (Eph 5:31; Gen 2:24). Once the husband and wife are married, they are “one flesh.” One flesh emotionally. One flesh physically. One flesh spiritually. That’s the reason behind this command. The best way for a husband to love himself is to actually love his wife. Because they are one flesh.
So if you want to know how you’re doing physically, emotionally and spiritually, take a look at your wife. If you’re loving her as Jesus loves His bride, she’s in tip top shape. To steal a phrase from Vidal Sassoon, if she doesn’t look good, you don’t look good. You are one flesh. Men, love your wives as you would love your own body.
Love your wife=Love yourself.
This where you jump in. Do you agree? Do you disagree? One way or the other, I would really love to hear from you. Drop a comment below and we'll chat.
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